Unanswered Prayers

It has been 2 months since my last real, published blog post.

In the past, typing the sentence would make me feel like a failure or slacker. This time it doesn't. A lot has been going on in the Martin household and with me personally. Some of these things just popped up, others have been building for months.  (And if we are going to be 100% honest, I was dealing with one of the worst spells of depression I have had since going totally med free a year ago.)  Yet through the darkness and worry, so many amazing things have happened. 

The last few weeks I have spent a lot of time thinking back over the past year and plans I had in store.  Only God had very different plans. I wanted more than anything to trust his plan and his timing, but it was a major struggle. At times I found myself angry and feeling helpless. I kept praying for the faith to trust his plan, but often found myself slipping into praying for him to please answer my unanswered prayers. 

The biggest of these was for us to get pregnant and have a healthy baby.  If you have ever tired to get pregnant and especially those who have struggled with infertility, you will understand what I am saying here. You want nothing more than to do what thousands of unwed teenagers do every week but for some reason it isn't happening. (if one more person told me to just get drunk and "do it" I might have hit someone!) You sob and get depressed when someone announces they are expecting, no matter how much you want to be happy for them. Whenever you are a day late you start to get your hopes up just a little bit, only for granny flow to send them crashing down into the gutter. And don't even get me started on how the news of Kim Kardashian being pregnant set me off. 

I started training for my first half marathon and really focused on channeling my energy in to that verses thinking about us not getting pregnant. I have said it before, but I truly have running to thank for saving me and for helping realign my relationship with God. Slowly but surely things started to get better. I was trusting his plan. I knew God wouldn't have put it on our hearts to be parents if it wasn't meant to be.

Fast forward a few months, we got some bad news on testing and I began to prepare myself to hear that it was the end of the road for us having a biological child because we knew we could never afford IVF. I was devastated at this thought but I did the only thing I knew to do - I prayed. I prayed that God would provide a way for us to become parents.  

The day before the doctors appointment we found out that as of October 1st Kipper's insurance would began covering IVF!! Trust his plan, he will provide. 

Looking back on this last year, I am thankful for those unanswered prayers. Kipper and I are not the same people we were a year ago. We had things we needed to experience, demons we needed to face, opportunities that we needed to take; that all were a very important part of our journey. This has been a year of tremendous growth in the Martin household. God has been helping prepare us for what he has to come and I can say without a doubt in my heart whatever it he has in store will be more amazing than anything I could every dream up.

I have been chomping at the bit to share with everyone our latest news and I will finally be able to do that tomorrow! Yea!!!! Stay tuned! (and no, it isn't a baby...) 

21 Days and 2 Half Marathons: Part 2

I remember the night very clearly, June 15th around 10:45pm. T and I had gone to Xanadu night at Gay Bingo and we were eating dinner at Chili's when I got a text from AJ. The conversation went something like this:

     AJ: Is it crazy to ask you to run a 1/2 with me in Trinity Park on the June 29th?? 

     Me: Holy crap...

     AJ: And we get a jalapeno medal!!! 

     Me: Is it crazy that I want to do it??

That was it, we were running our 3rd half marathon just 21 days after the Wounded Warrior Half. Over the next few days we recruited Jen to join us and found out that we had a handful of friends running as well. 

Race week came and it wasn't business a usual. Sadly our dear friend Jenny's Dad passed away very suddenly and as many of our friends who could headed to San Antonio to support her at the memorial service. Because of work I was unable to go even though my heart was there with my grieving friend. This time around there wasn't the group dinner before to relax and take in the support of friends. That would be a new mental challenge for me.

As race morning came, I was nervous about the heat but we were ready. After a brief delay thanks to the buses from the parking lot running slow it was show time! (seriously...if you want your race to be delayed ask AJ and I to do it. We have that affect on race start times!)

I was very cautious about pacing myself at the beginning because I knew the heat was going to get me if I over did it too fast.  That was an understatement. 

By mile 5 or 6 I threw my time out the window. I knew that just finishing this race would be an major accomplishment in itself. I would say at least 90% of the route was on the hottest, least shaded part of the trail that I tend to avoid when it is 85 or 90 degrees. Today it was pushing 102.  

At each rest stop I took a few moments to pour water over my head, down my back and on the thighs of my pants. As well as hydrating and refueling. And when they had ice I would put in in my bra and the back of my pants. Around mile 9 or 10 my feet started to hurt like I had never experienced before. At one point I was sure my toe was bleeding, but I tried to ignore it. 

Along the route people bonded over just how crazy we all were. We helped push each other to keep moving. But as the day went one I watched a lot of people bow out and call it a day. I would be lying if I didn't say the thought crossed my mind once or twice. But then I remembered my friend Monika, who was very pregnant, was not only out there running...she was ahead of me!

But I didn't give up. I pushed it till the end and I crossed the finish line, upright! Was it a PR? Not even close!! I barely made it under the 4 hour time limit...but I MADE IT!! 

After catching my breath and grabbing some water the first thing I did was take my shoes off. (which might have been slightly dumb since I had to walk to the car...) I have never had a blister from running, not even after the craziness in the rain at Wounded Warrior. Within moments of taking my shoes off, I could feel at least 4 blisters. By the end of the day that number had jumped to 7 and 2 of them were nasty blood blisters. Ick! 

After the race I posted this photo and caption. To this day it still sums it up.

"Another half for the books, the hardest one yet. One word (other than insane or brutal) describes today - thankful! I am thankful for amazing friends both on and off the course who have been a part of this adventure, for having the courage to start and the strength to finish. Today my feet may hurt but my heart is full."

21 Days and 2 Half Marathons: Part 1

Yes you read that right....TWO half marathons. Normally I wait a week or so before doing my recap, to let it all soak in. Well by the time a week had passed I was in full swing preparing for another half (more on that in Part 2) and sort of forgot I never finished my recap!!

The night before Wounded Warrior we went to an early dinner with a few friends and then headed home to get ready to wake up at 3:45am so we could get to Irving in time. As I was gathering all my stuff and getting ready to go to bed, I realized my ipod had officially died.

So there we were at 10:30pm (when I should have been asleep) running around trying to get my music on another random ipod we had. It was only fitting that itunes was being a pill and we didn't have my playlist anymore. How the heck I was going to run with no music? Seriously, I forgot my ipod one time and made it 2 miles before I couldn't take it anymore! How could I make it 13.1 miles if I couldn't make it 2? And what about my perfectly selected playlist?  I was a panicked mess. But after about an hour I made peace with the fact that at least I had a working ipod and that it had some sort of decent music on it. We had to get some sleep because our wake up time was creeping up on us.

The next morning I woke up feeling really good. I ate my normal race morning breakfast of a bagel with peanut butter and we headed out the door to AJ's house. All the way to Irving we watch the rain clouds and followed on facebook as people talked about the storms. I was just praying that some how they would pass us. Unfortunately that didn't happen....

So we waited and waited to see if they would still have the race or call it. Finally nearly an hour later we had a new start time, but new issues had set in. Both Kipper and I were starving and feared if we didn't get something in our stomachs we couldn't make it just on gu gels. So with not much time to spear we went to the hotel across the street to find some bananas, coffee for Kipper and bathrooms for AJ and I. But we did run into our sweet friend Melissa is the lobby, so that was a plus! :) 

There was mass confusion as to the start times of the Half and 10K, so we barely made it across the start line before the 10K headed out. Did I mention it was pouring down rain still??  And they had to re-route us up a muddy hill to go around part of the course that had rapid, moving water flooding it!!

I ran the first hour or so in the pouring rain, but my times were actually quite impressive. At several moments I kept telling myself I needed to slow down because I was going to run out of steam, but somehow I just keep going strong. 

As the sun came out the humidity started to set in, but it wasn't too terribly bad and lots of the trail was shaded. Actually most the second hour was pretty uneventful....until around mile 6.5 and the snake! Yep, you heard me right, there was a huge snake stretched out across the path. (I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate snakes!) It was a blessing I saw it far enough out so I didn't step on it. Eek thinking about it still gives me the creeps! 

After that incident we were back to smooth sailing until around mile 10.5 when we hit nearly a half mile of ankle high water. Apparently while we were on the trail it flooded!! All I could think about was that snake and hoping he didn't have any friends in this water!

My time up until this point was awesome! Even with 3 bathroom stops I was on target to beat my Cowtown time by at least 15 minutes. Having to walk through this water, then up and down a muddy hill, really slowed me down. The last 3 miles were tough. My shoes were soaked and every step I took, I could feel my feet rubbing. 

That 15 minute headway quickly dwindled down and I felt like I was going to be doing good to match my Cowtown time.  After what felt like at least a 4 or 5 mile stretch (it was more like 2.5) I finally spotted AJ and she helped run me across the finish line. Missing a PR by 2 minutes, but to my credit with the re-routes on the course the route was almost 14 miles so I was totally ok with my time. 

Then we waited for Kipper. I honestly started to panic a little that he hadn't finished yet. For most of the race he was ahead of me, but I knew he was struggling and hadn't gone into the race with the clear mental state that he really needed. (you can read about his experience here, here, and here) After what seemed like for ages he rounded the corner and I was able to run him in. The last mile was incredibly tough for him, but he didn't give up and that is what truly matters! 

I can't believe how much stronger I felt post race compared to Cowtown. A year ago I would have saw the rain and just gone back to bed, but not only did I not go back to bed, I got out there and RAN in it!!  I wish I could truly put into words how this journey has changed me. I am not the same person I was a year and a half ago, heck I am not the same person I was 6 months ago. 

And what I did next just solidified that statement. I might actually be slightly crazier. AJ and I signed up for another half marathon and only had 20 days to prepare!! Stay tuned for Part 2!!

When Average Becomes Awesome

As much as I love social media, it has some down falls.  You watch all your friends post photos/status updates/etc you begin to feel pressure that your life isn't exciting enough. All of a sudden you start to think that every weekend needs to be EPIC or you have to be involved in a million things so that you appear more interesting. (My dear friend, Jordan, wrote a fabulous post on her blog "When life gives you lemons" about this that you should all read!)

I am someone who has had too many irons in the fire since age 5 and sadly, I have fallen victim to this mind set a few times more than I care to admit. It wasn't until right before my 30th birthday that I really started to analyze things and decide enough was enough. (you can read more about it here) I was tired of being busy for the sake of being busy all the time. Over the last 2 years or so I have started cutting back on my commitments and learning to play things a little more by ear. And you know what? It has been amazing!!! 

Sure sometimes we get to the weekend and realize we don't have plans - awesome Kipper and I will have an impromptu date night or (gasp) even just stay home watch a TV together! It. Is. Awesome! Or sometimes it leaves you open to spur of the moment plans that are far better than anything you could have planned out in advance. 

Enter last weekend.

In a rare turn of events, I had to work both Saturday evening and all day Sunday so I hadn't planned on doing anything else all weekend. Then Friday, T asked if I wanted to do a 5K up by her house with her. I didn't have any plans and needed to get a run in, so why not! 

It was humid and gross, there was a slight delay for a man who may or may not have had a heart attack during the 1K, but it was awesome!!  Not only did I have a PR, I got to spend time with one of my best friends. 

Afterwards we went to Denny's to eat where we spent the time talking and laughing. Even when we tried to leave, we ended up standing around in the parking lot talking more. This of course led to us having a "post run tailgate...at Denny's" in the back of T's car.  An average Saturday morning that was just plain awesome!

Of course when you combine this with a wonderful evening on Lake Granbury with my Hood County Jamboree Volunteers (that felt like a family get together in Alabama rather than work) and then National Cancer Survivors Day on Sunday (how could you not love watching a second line parade of cancer survivors?) it made for a pretty awesome weekend!

Now don't get me wrong, I still overcommit, and sometimes work is a little crazier than I would like. But until you break the cycle of always expecting awesome, you will never see just how amazing your average, everyday life can really be! 

A+ For Effort?

12 days. Only 12, short days until I will be at the start line of the Wounded Warrior Half Marathon. 

(cue panicked breathing and general crazy thoughts)  

While I do feel more relaxed compared to Cowtown, I know this race will be very different. It will be HOT! It will be a course I don't know like the back of my hand. I won't have my friends and family along the course and at the finish line. And did I mention it is going to be HOT???

After having to take 5 days off from training to recover from a head and chest cold, I was antsy to get back to training after work today.  So you can imagine my disappointment when I walked out of my office to see  how gloomy the skies where looking.

Already feeling like I haven't trained as much for this race as I did for Cowtown and just having to miss 2 training runs, I decided missing today's run was not an option. I was determined to have a great run...operation "Out Run the Rain"  was in full effect.

Epic Fail.  One song into my run, the rain came pouring down in what felt like bucket loads.

At first I thought, I will just keep running. I mean, I loved playing in the rain as a little girl so maybe it would just make the run more fun. Yeah...it does NOT make the run more fun. When rain is pouring down on you and you feel 25 pounds heavier because your clothes and shoes are soaked...it is time to call it a day. When people start pulling over, asking you if you need a ride somewhere because its raining (it is? I didn't notice)...it is time to call it a day.  (Seriously though, thank you to the 2 people who offered to drive me home. Very sweet, even if I totally started thinking you both might be a murderer or a rapist. Don't feel bad, everyone who passes me while running is under suspicion. It just a fact.) 

Hey, at least I tried. That has to be worth something, right?!?!?!?!? All joking aside, I am proud of myself for sticking to my guns and going. A year ago I would have looked at the sky and decided to watch a movie with the pups instead.  And that change alone is for sure worth an A+!   

Allie Facts: Blogging Edition

Since I am currently working on 2 different posts (neither of which I want to finish tonight) and I haven't done an Allie Facts post in a while I decided it was the perfect thing to prolong my procrastination of finishing other posts. :) So sit back and enjoy the latest edition of Allie Facts...Blogging Edition!

- In a few months I will have had my blog for 2 years. 

- When I started my blog it was going to be for me share different crafty projects that I was working on, but within the first year it was clear it would be more than that.

-  I secretly wish I could be a full time blogger like The Bloggess or Kevin and Amanda.

- Yes, I fully realize these blogs are polar opposites of each other. It sort of reflects what goes on in my head everyday! :)

- I spend at least 50% of every run "blog planning" which is also known as "don't think about how much this sucks right now!"

- It is safe to say 95% of that material never makes it to my blog...because I forget what I came up with before I actually write it.

- Come to think of it, running has really cut into both my crafting and blogging time.

- It has taken me a while, but I have finally made peace with the fact that I am a super busy person and I am never going to stick to a regular blogging schedule.


- When I write I blog I pretend like it for my "readers" but really I write for myself. If you are offended my blog isn't all about you, sorry. But please keep reading! Seriously....keep reading.

-  I have more unpublished blog posts than I do published.

- What can I say...blogging is WAY cheaper than therapy. And even though no one actually sees them it seems more public than writing in a journal.

- One day I might be brave enough to post some of them, but I am pretty sure they are much too deep for a blog that talks about "conquering the world with rhinestones."

Allie And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad 10K

A few weeks ago AJ and I were talking about how we felt like we had taken a big step backwards in our running since Cowtown and we needed to get signed up for a 10K in order to motivate ourselves to stay on track. Within a few hours we were signed up for the Stockyards Easter Run 10K and got T to sign up for the 5K.

The morning came and I was excited, but a little nervous and rightfully so since my training since Cowtown had been nearly nonexistent. I was ready to push myself and have a good race, oh and push myself I did! The "good" race part, not so much. 

I timed out when to eat breakfast around the start time. So when 8:30am rolled around I was ready to go. 15 minutes later we are still standing around when they came over the loud speaker to say a train had broken down, blocking the route and they were working to get it moved!! 

50 minutes after we were supposed to start we were finally on our way!

The 6 miles that followed were brutal....using a nasty port-a-potty and throwing up were just a sampling of the fun!  I will save you from every detail  of how terrible it was, but I learned a lot about how to prepare/handle race situations better as well as about myself.

Basically this run was what do you get when you go from running 15-22 miles a week to four weeks of less than 5 miles a week, your nutrition is totally off, you haven't been sleeping well, your stomach is upset, the weather is in that post rain sticky phase and oh yea....there is a 50 minute train delay!

The craziest part of it all was that despite all the things that went wrong, I still set a PR for my official 10K runs! Granted this was only my second sanctioned 10K but who cares...a PR is a PR. And on a day like today, I'll take it anyway I can get it! :)