Thursday, April 28, 2016

Dear Future Birth Mother

Disclaimer: Over the last 9+ months Planned Parenthood has been a hot button topic in the news, conversations and social media.  While Mr. Martin loves a good political debate/conversation Mrs. Martin tends to shy away from them.  I have had a decade long struggle with my thoughts on Planned Parenthood. I am that weird Pro-Lifer who actually thinks that defunding Planned Parenthood will increase abortions, but this isn't about that.  I am not wanting to start a debate or shame anyone. I have dear friends, who I respect the heck out of, on both sides of this issue. Friends who have real experience on all sides of the issue. And while this isn't a new debate or conversation, this time around it has weighed on my heart more than ever before. I am sure our personal situation and journey to parenthood has a lot to do with that. This post is my response to the lump in my throat and ache in my heart that has lingered for the last several months watching the mud slinging over the latest Planned Parenthood controversy. After sitting in my draft box for nearly a year, I had sort of forgotten I even wrote this. But during prayer over the last few days I remembered it and today I felt this overwhelming need to publicly share.  

June 14, 2015

Dear Future Birth Mother,

I have been thinking a lot about you lately. I don't know you. At least I don't think I do. I don't know where you live or even how old you are. Sometimes I try to imagine you and your situation. Are you a young teenager or a college student? Maybe a young woman who is struggling to make it week to week. Or is your situation more dire? Do you struggle with an addiction or are you in an unhealthy relationship? I wish I could know more about you so I could be more specific when I pray for you each day.

Right now you aren't even pregnant and given our timeline it could be a year, maybe more before you are. Maybe you know the birth father or you might not have even met him yet, but I am still praying for you both.  I pray that even though you have no idea what is coming God is helping to prepare your hearts.

I often think about you in the moment you find out you are pregnant. I can only imagine the emotions you will feel as you stare down at those two pink lines for the first time. In those moments when you might possibly feel like your world is crashing down around you, I pray that you feel the presence of God with you. As you run through the emotions of feeling helpless, scared, alone, even angry - I pray that God will give you strength and a sense of peace that in the end things will be okay.

Because I don't know you or your situation, I don't know what type of support system you have or how those around you will react. In a perfect world I imagine you with a loving and supportive family and group of friends. They will stand by you, love you and never show judgement. I also know that we don't live in a perfect world so I pray that no matter your situation you have at least one person you can trust who will love you, support you, and never judge you.

I pray that they will walk beside you through your journey and as you make a decision of how to move forward. As you weigh your options I pray that God is there guiding your heart; giving you strength and wisdom. I pray that if you feel abortion is your only option or if you are being pressured into that decision that God puts the right people in your life at the right moment to show you there is another option. That there are families, like ours, who would love nothing more than to give your child the life you could only dream of giving them.

When the day comes that you decide that placing your child for adoption is the best choice, I pray for peace and comfort. I imagine that decision will be one of the hardest, if not the hardest one you will ever make. It is also one of the most selfless decisions anyone women can make and I know is made out of pure love for your child.

As you begin the journey to choose a family and you pour through adoption profile books, I pray that our family is the answer to your prayers for your child. I hope that in that profile you are able to see our hearts, our love for each other, and our desire to serve others. And if we are able to meet, I pray that we are able to confirm all those feelings you felt reading our profile.  I pray that you find comfort in knowing that you have found a family that will raise your precious child (with the help of a generous village of friends and family) to always know the beautiful gift their mother gave them and to never take a moment of it for granted.

And when the day comes for you to sign the papers, I pray that you still have the same peace and comfort you felt when you decided we were the family for you. I can't even imagine the emotions you are feeling. For me I pray that in all our excitement of becoming parents, I never lose sight of the fact that one of our most joyous days is one of your most painful. I pray that in even in your pain, you feel loved, supported and comforted not only by God but those around you. Us included. While I know every adoption is different and there is no way to know right now how open ours will be in the end - I pray that God will guide all of our hearts to the perfect arrangement that isn't just best for the child, but for you as well.

Even though I don't know you yet, I think about you and pray for you every day. And I imagine someday when I am looking into that precious baby's eyes, I will still think about you. I will think about how brave and selfless you were. How in world where you had other options, you choose life. And even though I don't know you yet, I am already beyond thankful for you and in an unexplainable way, I carry a piece of you in my heart.

Until our paths cross,