Weeks 8 - 13 Unicorn of the Week and Mini Recap

It is official - I am a terrible Fantasy Football blogger. The fall is just so busy for me in all aspects of my life and I just feel really behind. Next year I will be more realistic and better prepared because I did have a lot of fun with this!

After a little rough patch the last part of the "season" before playoffs was really great for me winning all but 1 game! Go Sports, Go! :)  Without further delay here are the Unicorns of the Week(s) for Weeks 8-13!

Week 8 was a close one but Justin Tucker really kicked it out of the park with 20 points! Hahaha! Get it? Kicked it out of the park! Because he is the kicker.... Look at me making bad football jokes!

Week 9 was the first and only tie of the season. Both Brees and Brown have been awesome for Team Sports, Go Sports and have held the honor of Unicorn of the Week more than once. 

Week 10 was the only loss in the second half of the season. It was just kind of a crappy week for my entire team except Antonio Brown. 

Week 11 was another one for the win column, but it was actually a crappy week score wise. I just got lucky that I was playing someone who ended with several negative numbers on the score board. That said I was super excited the Unicorn of the Week was finally my D/ST because I have wanted to put a horn on a team mascot all season! 

Week 12 was a crazy week. Half my team had a terrible week and the other half had a great one! I really thought the Panthers D/ST was going to pull out a second win, but at the last minute Brandon Marshall slide right in by 1 point to capture his second Unicorn of the Week win this season! 

Week 13 brought a third win for Antonio Brown and an awesome win for team Sports, Go Sports! I was playing team Witten Up For Bad Behavior who had been in first place and I didn't think there was a chance in hell that I would win. Then Antonio Brown went nuts and secured a win on the final week of the regular Fantasy Football season! 

After a pretty great first Fantasy Football season I made it to the playoffs! Woohoo! I know the chances of winning are so slim I can't even seem them, but that is okay. It was my first year. I really had no clue what I was doing. Seriously I could have named maybe 5 football players before this started. Excited to see where I end after the playoffs and will be ready to dominate next year!! :) 

Week 7 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

Well once again - Kipper was right. Arian Foster paid off and is the Unicorn of the Week for the second week in a row!

Then he hurt himself again. Now he is out for the season. Sigh.

This week Team Sports Go, Sports was back in business racking up 110 points. Of course we had to play against a high scoring opponent who beat us with 131. This loss stung more than any other one. You see, Kipper drafted Lamar Miller for me and I was very loyal to him for the first 6 weeks.

Week after week he brought in less than half of his projected score so I finally dropped him. Then Amy Watts picked him up and he freaking scored 35 points!! 35 points people. If I would have kept him I would have won week 7 with flying colors. Sigh.

At least we are still holding strong to 4th place and still on target for the playoffs.

Week 6 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

Kipper drafted Arian Foster and told me once he came back from being injured he would pay off in a big way. Well my friends I have been waiting and waiting and finally in Week 6 he showed up. I wish I could say the same thing for the majority of Team Sports, Go Sports. 

Another loss, worse than the week before. But I'm still hanging on to 4th place and projected for playoffs. Hoping for a better Week 7 and for life to slow down so that I can have the time to write a proper recap!

Better Late Than Never - Week 5 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

Life has been a little CRAZY at work and home. I tried to stay on top of things but Team Sports, Go Sports felt the affects of the crazy. This week the Unicorn of the Week was easy - he was the ONLY freaking player to score above projection.

Seriously.

The. Only. Freaking. One.

Dion Lewis, thanks for being basically the only one who showed up and made it happen for Week 5.

Needless to say...we lost Week 5. I'm pretending not the be angry and a little bitter.

Week 4 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

After team Sports, Go Sports terrible showing in Week 3, I didn't have high hopes for Week 4. But I still did my research and made my plan. Somethings worked out well for me, others not so much. Before we get into all that let's talk Unicorn of the Week (because I know the suspense is KILLING you!) 

For the first time ever we had a TIE for Unicorn of the Week! Last time I looked at my points there was 45 seconds left in the Saints vs. Cowboys game and the Panthers D/ST was the hands down winner. The suddenly my Facebook timeline started blowing up about the overtime touchdown and sure enough Drew Brees' points had jumped.

Breaking the tie was easy. Not only did Brees help win the game in overtime, he also reached two major milestones of his career. It was only natural that he had the honor of wearing the golden horn as the Unicorn of the Week for Week 4!

The winning touchdown was Brees' 400 career touchdown pass. Making him the fifth player in NFL history to reach reach this milestone. Earlier in the game he also reached 5,000 career completions to join Brett Favre and Peyton Manning as the only NFL quarterbacks to ever achieve that feat. And just think, he gets to top it off with the highest honor of Unicorn of the Week!! Not a bad way to come back from an injury. :)

This week I did take chances. Thankfully two of them paid off.

1. Drew Brees I almost didn't play him this week since I wasn't 100% sure if he would be back or if he was how well he would do.  My NFL despising husband loves him and from everything I have read so do his teammates. He seems like an all around awesome guy so  at the last minute I decided to chance it. Plus his little family is really adorable. Like REALLY adorable.

2. Panthers D/ST Everything I read said that they would be the big wildcard of D/ST this week. They could pay off really well or be super disappointing. Since I knew the Texans were playing Atlanta I decided to roll the dice and see what happened. At one point they were up to 25 points but by the time it was said and done they finished with 15. Compared to the -4 by my benched Texans, I think I made a good call.

3. Arian Foster This guy has been sitting on my bench waiting for his big return. Kipper and Ricky both kept telling me once he came back he would pay off big.  Well he came back this week, but 1 stinking point is far from paying off in anyway, shape or size. I am going to chalk it up to return game jitters and the fact that he isn't completely healthy yet. If he doesn't get it together he and his grumpy face photo are going to be getting the boot!

4. Lamar Miller I don't know what it is about this guy. The first week I said he was about to be dead to me but then he pulled through. Every week since then he has fallen short of his projections but some reason I keep putting him back in. After another lousy week and only bringing in 3 points he might be done on team Sports, Go Sports. He has caused too many glittery unicorn tears to be shed.

When it was all said and done, I was able to squeak out a win by a 2 points - Thank you Drew Brees!!  Team Sports, Go Sports is now 3-1.  Till next week my friends when we take on team Shake and Bake!

Week 3 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

Oh Week 3 you were NOT my friend. Not only did I have a terrible week, others in the league had a freaking amazeballs week with multiple players racking up close to 30+ each. Lots of glittered unicorn tears were shed as one week has taken team Sports, Go Sports from first place to fourth!!!

The Unicorn of the Week was once again not my highest scoring player but had the largest percent increase from projection. It was really close between but Brandon Marshall squeaked into the honor this week. He also had something else to celebrate - passing 10,000 career receiving yards. Something only 44 other NFL players can say about their careers. 

Unfortunately the excitement of that milestone was upstaged by a failed lateral (some kind of play that is risky) that he called "probably the worst play in NFL history!"  The fact that someone who said they made the worst play in NFL history is the Unicorn of the Week should tell you pretty much everything you need to know about my bad Fantasy Football week! 

Here is to a better week as team Sports, Go Sports takes on third place Team L Train.

Week 2 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

Week 2 of Fantasy Football has come to a close. I know you have been waiting in the edge of your seats to see who will be the coveted Sports, Go Sports "Unicorn of the Week" for Week 2!  (If you have no idea what I am talking about and think the Allie you know and love has been abducted by aliens...start here.) 

Just like Week 1, this week's Unicorn of the Week was picked off of points only. He wasn't my highest scoring player but he did come in 12 points over projection. That was the largest percent increase from projection (86% increase to be exact!) of any player this week thus landing DeAngelo Williams top honors as Unicorn of the Week!! Williams has been really good for me the last two weeks so I am bummed that Le'Veon Bell is coming back from his two game suspension so his playing time will be limited. :( 

Overall I had a really great week, scoring 113 points and winning my match up by 75 points! It was my first experience with some benched players doing better than my actual team. Everything I read said to keep Colin Kaepernick on the bench so I stayed with Drew Brees. Well Brees only scored 12 points  where Kaepernick brought in 26.  I also gave my friend Lamar Miller another shot since he pulled through for me in Week 1. Of course he got hurt and didn't return to the game, only bringing in 3 points. All the while benched David Johnson racked up 16 points! ahh! 

And because I am a sweet and wonderful wife, I will publicly admit that this one time Kipper was right. I should have played the Texans D/ST. The Rams were projected nearly 5 points higher than the Texans so I went with the Rams. This resulted in a 2 point loss for me... sigh. 

This coming week I am going to do a little more research on my players so that my only strategy isn't who is projected the highest. I want to keep my winning steak going as I face off with AJ this week! But for now, while I am sure this will be short lived,  I'm going to celebrate the fact that I currently have the highest points in our league!! 

Yay Athleticism!! 

That One Time I Joined A Fantasy Football League

Most of my friends are big football people. I am not. They call it football season. I call it tailgate season. They say halftime. I ask how much longer till intermission.

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE Football Sundays. They are normally my favorite part of the week. Generally it means yummy food and my best friends spending the day together where most everyone happens to be paying attention to football.  My version of Football Sunday looks more like this:

With the gangs love of football there is a natural love of Fantasy Football. Most play in multiple leagues and it can be a little competitive. This year I got a wild hair and decided to join the girls league - Wine Women! The buy in was a bottle of wine and the winner takes all. I know nothing about football or Fantasy Football (I wanted to draft a cheerleader for Kipper's team last year...) but I love wine so why not!

Unfortunately I had something come up and was late to the draft party so Kipper had to draft for me. This could have been good or bad. He knows a lot more about football, but isn't a fan of the NFL. I am pretty sure he tried his hardest to draft only players who were good role models and had never been to jail! Ha. Anyway it was official team Sports, Go Sports was born. (if you don't get them name you must check this song out) And our mascot is a unicorn and I imagine our team wears awesome rhinestone and glittered uniforms.

After that I sort of forgot I had signed up until a few days before Kipper asked if I had checked my team roster to make sure no one was out hurt. What?!?! I sort of thought you drafted and that was it. I didn't realize you had players on bench or that you could trade players. Suddenly my competitiveness set in and I need to know everything there was to know so I could win!!

Lessons of the Week:

1. Projection Numbers  At first I thought if a player had a projection of 1 that meant they were the top pick. Then I realized lots of people had 1's. This isn't golf and the lowest score doesn't win. Glad I figured that out before this week got started or I would have had the lowest score in the history of Fantasy Football. 

2. Player Selection   This might be the most important part of playing Fantasy Football. I started out following in Kipper's footsteps by googling players to see what type of person they appeared to be off the field.  After about 2 players I realized that was a lot of work so I would just go off of projections and if I thought they looked friendly or fun in their profile photo. Overall this did workout pretty well for me except in the case of a Running Back. Originally I had David Johnson from the Arizona Cardinals who was projected at 4 points. I switched him out at the last minute for Alfred Blue of the Texans because he was projected at 9 points and he was extra smiley in his photo. I also thought it he did well I could yell "You're my boy Blue!" which makes me giggle. Well in the long run Mr. Smiley Pants only brought in 4 points and guy on the bench brought in 11. 

3. Follow Your Gut  Kipper told me to keep the Texans as my D/ST (still don't really know what that is) but the Panthers were projected just a little higher. Since it was a team thing I couldn't really use the smiley photo thing as a tie breaker. At the very last minute I made the switch and it paid off big - 20 more points than if I would have kept the Texans! This could be beginners luck, but I'll take it.

Honestly can't believe I had so much fun playing this week and I didn't even have to watch football! I'm sure the fact that I had a good week and racked up 112 points out of a projected 100 didn't hurt. 

I had so much fun I decided I would turn this experience into a fun blog series. It would force me to get back into regular blogging and  I figure something funny has to come out of this - starting with the Week 1 Unicorn of the Week!!!  

For Week 1 the Unicorn of the Week was picked off of points only. He wasn't my highest scoring player but he did come in 11 points over projection. That was the largest percent increase from projection of any player this week thus landing Jason Witten the honor of being the first ever Sports, Go Sports Unicorn of the Week!! 

Here is hoping the beginners luck carries on to week 2! :) 

A+ For Effort?

12 days. Only 12, short days until I will be at the start line of the Wounded Warrior Half Marathon. 

(cue panicked breathing and general crazy thoughts)  

While I do feel more relaxed compared to Cowtown, I know this race will be very different. It will be HOT! It will be a course I don't know like the back of my hand. I won't have my friends and family along the course and at the finish line. And did I mention it is going to be HOT???

After having to take 5 days off from training to recover from a head and chest cold, I was antsy to get back to training after work today.  So you can imagine my disappointment when I walked out of my office to see  how gloomy the skies where looking.

Already feeling like I haven't trained as much for this race as I did for Cowtown and just having to miss 2 training runs, I decided missing today's run was not an option. I was determined to have a great run...operation "Out Run the Rain"  was in full effect.

Epic Fail.  One song into my run, the rain came pouring down in what felt like bucket loads.

At first I thought, I will just keep running. I mean, I loved playing in the rain as a little girl so maybe it would just make the run more fun. Yeah...it does NOT make the run more fun. When rain is pouring down on you and you feel 25 pounds heavier because your clothes and shoes are soaked...it is time to call it a day. When people start pulling over, asking you if you need a ride somewhere because its raining (it is? I didn't notice)...it is time to call it a day.  (Seriously though, thank you to the 2 people who offered to drive me home. Very sweet, even if I totally started thinking you both might be a murderer or a rapist. Don't feel bad, everyone who passes me while running is under suspicion. It just a fact.) 

Hey, at least I tried. That has to be worth something, right?!?!?!?!? All joking aside, I am proud of myself for sticking to my guns and going. A year ago I would have looked at the sky and decided to watch a movie with the pups instead.  And that change alone is for sure worth an A+!   

Allie Facts: Blogging Edition

Since I am currently working on 2 different posts (neither of which I want to finish tonight) and I haven't done an Allie Facts post in a while I decided it was the perfect thing to prolong my procrastination of finishing other posts. :) So sit back and enjoy the latest edition of Allie Facts...Blogging Edition!

- In a few months I will have had my blog for 2 years. 

- When I started my blog it was going to be for me share different crafty projects that I was working on, but within the first year it was clear it would be more than that.

-  I secretly wish I could be a full time blogger like The Bloggess or Kevin and Amanda.

- Yes, I fully realize these blogs are polar opposites of each other. It sort of reflects what goes on in my head everyday! :)

- I spend at least 50% of every run "blog planning" which is also known as "don't think about how much this sucks right now!"

- It is safe to say 95% of that material never makes it to my blog...because I forget what I came up with before I actually write it.

- Come to think of it, running has really cut into both my crafting and blogging time.

- It has taken me a while, but I have finally made peace with the fact that I am a super busy person and I am never going to stick to a regular blogging schedule.


- When I write I blog I pretend like it for my "readers" but really I write for myself. If you are offended my blog isn't all about you, sorry. But please keep reading! Seriously....keep reading.

-  I have more unpublished blog posts than I do published.

- What can I say...blogging is WAY cheaper than therapy. And even though no one actually sees them it seems more public than writing in a journal.

- One day I might be brave enough to post some of them, but I am pretty sure they are much too deep for a blog that talks about "conquering the world with rhinestones."

Adventures In Germville

I started feeling crappy on Friday evening and then spent almost the entire day in bed on Saturday. I thought I was better so we went to dinner Saturday night and I prepared to achieve my biggest achievement in my running training on Sunday - 10 miles! (which I totally did and I couldn't be more proud of myself!!)

Then came Monday morning. I woke up feeling terrible. By lunch I felt a fever coming on but we had a  board meeting, the first with the new board members, so I had to stick it out. By the time I got home I was weak and had a high fever. It was official - I was sick. 

During the 2 days I spent in bed, I learned lots of fun things:

• Apparently I haven't seen every episode of Criminal Minds as previously thought. 
• Realizing the Hallmark Channels top advertisers are: Colonial Penn, AARP, Build-A-Bear, Hoover Vacuums and Viking River Tours. Needless to say, I am pretty sure I am NOT their target market. 
• Given the amount of commercial time, complications with pelvic mesh seem to rampant in our country. 
• Dutchess and Fenway could seriously sleep all day. Gulliver not so much. 
• Even though Gulliver wanted to get up and be active he won't bring you anything to drink (guess it is the whole, no opposable thumbs thing. Why else wouldn't he want to do that for his mommy?)
• Thanks to several infomercials I have learned, there is a good chance I suffer from PBA or Pseudobulbar affect. A medical condition characterized by sudden and uncontrollable episodes of crying or laughing. An episode of PBA can occur at any time, even in inappropriate social situations. 

Yet the best moment came when watching Toddlers and Tiaras with Kipper, making fun of all the crazy names people give their kids. We started talking about names we liked and didn't like for our future kids. After about 15 minutes or so the conversation turned...

     Me: If we have a little boy, let's name him "Batman"

 
     Kipper:  (stares at me and starts laughing) 

     Me:  Seriously, just think about him walking into kindergarten on his first day. "Hello. I am Batman!!" 

     Kipper:  (still laughing)  Yes that is awesome! 

     Me:  What would his middle name be? 

     Kipper:  Robin of course. 

     Me:  Really?? I think "Batman Robin Martin" is a little too much. 

     Kipper:  You think so?  I guess...

You know cause naming your child "Batman" isn't a little much on its own! lol! I love my husband and the fact that we can be silly together.  But for the record......

Allie Facts: Training For A Half Marathon Edition

In 27 days I will be embarking on possibly one of the hardest things, both physically and mentally, I have ever done: my first half marathon. The Cowtown Half Marathon to be exact. During the training process I have realized a lot of things about myself and the training process in general so welcome to a new installment of Allie Facts!


-  Running is just as much of a mental game as it is physical. I can't tell you how often my mind tries to make me quit.

-  I often beat my mental mind games with thinking about the cupcakes and/or wine I am earning.

-  Thank goodness I don't actually  consume those things as much as I actually think about them while running.

-  The longer distances I run, the harder it is to get into sync. It used to take a 1/2 mile, now it can take up to 2 miles.

-  I am terrified of having to go to the bathroom during long runs when there is no where to go... terrified.

-  I have may or may not have had to go to the bathroom in places I would prefer not to admit.

-  You are supposed to feel better as you get in better shape, yet for some reason my body just hurts a heck of a lot more now that I am running several times a week.

-  I am pretty sure Body Glide is one of the most amazing inventions ever.

-  You can only think about what you are going to wear for the big day for so long during runs.

-  I am so thankful that I will have my hubby and great friends by my side on the big day.

-  Because I am a slower runner, long runs only happen on the weekend. And since Saturday is filled with Spring Show, Sunday Funday has been replaced with Long Run Sunday.

-  I miss Sunday Funday mimosas with friends....a lot.

-  I have come to the conclusion that my friends who run full marathon are just plain crazy and might need some sort of therapy.

-  And the only explanation for my friends that do Half Iron Man and Iron Man? They are either robots or aliens because it just isn't human.

-  Actually they have to be aliens because I am not sure waterproof robots are believable.

-  Not going to lie, knowing that dear friends will be at the finish line with mimosas waiting makes this task much less scary! (don't judge...we deserve them!!) 

-  As much as a joke about being crazy for deciding to do this, I am proud of myself for making the decision to do it. When the big day comes it is me against the road. There is no judge who scores you or a teacher to grade your performance. Sure there is the time clock, but not matter what time is on it when I cross the finish line it will be my Half Marathon PR. I will be a Half Marathon finisher. That is something no one will be able to ever take away.

Blame It On The Bath Salts

Are you every in the middle of a conversation with someone and you have to stop and think "Are we really talking about this?"  Or even worse you have a really long detailed conversation with someone and afterward  are slightly freaked out you even had it? Welcome to the Martin Household. We have these conversations all the time. 

Just the other night Kipper and I wear sitting around talking as we waited on our dinner to be delivered. We were talking about this crazy zombie like, cannibal behavior that seems to be consuming the news the last week thanks whatever the heck "bath salts" really is. (This conversation is totally paraphrased but you can get the general idea.)

      Me: This is the problem with using drugs. When you murder someone you aren't with it enough to think everything through and that is how people get caught.

     Kipper:  okay.....

     Me: Really, if I wanted to murder someone I think I could totally get away with it. 

     Kipper:  (stares at me) 

     Me:  I have seen so many episodes of  Law and Order, Criminal Minds, Bones, Without a Trace etc. I know all the tricks that work and the ones that always backfire. 

     Kipper:  Well I was a cop for 7 years and I know that isn't how it works in real life. They are TV dramas. 

     Me:  Whatever.  

     Kipper:  Okay so if you were going to murder someone and you think you can get away with it, how would you do it? 

At this point we begin to run down my theoretical ideas and Kipper proceeds to point out wholes in my plan and what would work better. Then we pause for to get our dinner from the delivery guy...hoping he didn't hear anything before we answered the door, cause that would be awkward! Then back to the conversation.

    Me:  Okay so maybe I couldn't do it alone. But with your cop knowledge and my TV research we totally could do it together if we ever had to. 

     Kipper:  And why would we ever need to commit murder? 

     Me:  Good point, but just in case we have a pretty good start to a hypothetical plan.  

     Kipper:  Right...never mind the fact we both would have terrible guilt and would more than likely never go through with it and if by some chance we did we would end up turning ourselves in within 24/48 hours.  

     Me:  True. 

     Kipper:  And to make it worse it is breaking one of the commandments. God doesn't really like when you do those things.... 

     Me:  Another very good point. 

     Kipper:  And let's not forget you can't handle the sight of blood very well. 


     Me: Yea, we can pretty much never commit murder. Forgot I said anything. 

     Kipper:  That is what I thought. 

So everyone should feel safer knowing that the Martin's will never be committing murder. (unless you count all the plants I have killed since getting married...if you those count I am in real trouble!)  

And to make myself feel better about the fact that we had this crazy conversation I am blaming it on my love of cop dramas, scary movies and....

Solving Our Problems One Brilliant Idea At A Time!

Let me start this off my saying Kipper and I both loved our college experiences, but student loans SUCK! Long story short, both of us went to private colleges, I work for a small nonprofit, Kipper works for a nonprofit hospital and our combined amount of student loans are killing us financially.

A few nights ago we had a panicked/heated discussion about our options and what we were going to do. After a while I was just done talking about it but my loving, OCD husband wanted to "talk it out" a little more. At that moment I came up with a BRILLIANT idea!

     Me: I've got it! I know what we can do and it will solve all our issues! 

     Kipper:  okay.....

     Me: One of us needs to fake our death.

     Kipper:  (stares at me...face turning a little red) 

     Me: Think about it. They forgive your student loans when you die and when you die your spouse gets your insurance money. So one of us fakes our death, the loans are forgiven and we use the insurance money to pay off the others loans. 

     Kipper:  (long pause...) REALLY??? That is your freaking brilliant plan. REALLY?? I mean, REALLY???????? 

     Me: Yea! Pretty good, huh?

     Kipper:  Oh yea, breaking the law by committing insurance fraud is a great idea.

     Me: Yea well that is a slight issue. 

     Kipper:  (long pause...) What the hell is wrong with you? 

     Me: Just thinking outside the box. 

     Kipper:  (just glares at me) 

     Me: But really, it would make most since for you to be the one who faked their death because you owe way more than me in student loans. So your loans could be forgiven, then we could pay mine off and use the extra money to move off the grid.  

     Kipper: (just glares at me) 

     Me: Now if we could make it look like a work related death, we would get even more money! 

If you can't tell my idea didn't go over very well. And don't worry, we won't be faking anyone's death to commit insurance fraud. 

But I still think it was a pretty brilliant idea to come up with on the fly! Well minus the illegal part....

Allie Facts: Learning To Ride Edition

Yesterday afternoon Kipper and I planned on going out somewhere so he could teach me how to use my freaking bike. (I almost died 6 times the first time I rode it. Like for real 6 times, this is not just Allie being dramatic people!)

Since we needed to take his mom to Grapevine to his Aunt and Uncle's house, we loaded up the bikes (which is like a journey in itself) and decided we would try out the trails around Lake Grapevine.


- No matter how many times Kipper tells me my bike seat and handle bars are in "perfect riding position" I still think it would be better if my handle bars were higher.

- It really bothers me that my riding attire sort of clashes with my bike.

- Of course I have a hair bow to match my riding shirt. Hello, I want to make sure people know I am a girl under that helmet!

- Not really sure why the above statement was such a shock to my hubby.

- When Kipper gets into his zone before riding (I now refer to this as "Lance Mode") it is way worse than his pre-running zone and I sort of want to bite him. 

- I don't bite him in fear of him biting me back.

- Just so you all know, I don't make a habit of biting people (or anything that isn't food or a package I am opening with my teeth) But ever since I was little when I would get made I always have the urge to bite verse hit. Apparently the lesson of "Hands aren't for hitting, but for hugging" really stuck with me. 

- My bike pedals on the other hand did not learn this lesson. They like to bite your ankles and calves. 

- When riding with Kipper, never assume you are going for a nice, pleasurably ride to learn how to use the gears on your bike. If you do think this, you will be wrong. 

- I found myself thinking that if Kipper would have just bought me a pink bike with fenders this would be SO much easier. You know cause pink bikes with fenders are magical. 

- Yea, pink bikes with fenders aren't really magical like Harry Potter magical. But I would look so adorable riding it that I am convinced that it would help me forget how hard the ride was and how much I am going to hurt when I get off the bike and that is a special kind of Allie magic my friends.

- It really sucks when old guys who have been getting their senior discount at IHOP for 20+ years fly by you no effort at all. 

- I am terrified of falling off my bike. Like more terrified than I was when I was little learning to ride my bike with out training wheels in my Dorothy costume. (yes, I wore my Dorothy dress to ride my bike. This shouldn't surprise anyone but I do have photographic proof! ----->)

- I am very picky about water. Some water just taste funny. Never again will I drink from Kipper's CamelBak without making sure I am the one who puts the water in. Apparently he thought leaving water in there over a week wouldn't affect the taste. He was wrong and for a moment I thought he was trying to poison me. 

- While riding, I realized that if Kipper wanted to ever kill me, biking riding might be a good method. 

- I hurt in places and ways they I am pretty sure God has reserved for childbirth. 

- I think all of you who keep telling me "Keep riding, it will get easier" are big fat liars and must not have any feeling in your lower regions.

- And just when I want to give up and admit I just want to be Mary freaking Poppins riding in the park (if you are confused or are not laughing at this statement read this!)that crazy competitive girl starts to come out and I want to prove to everyone (including my vajayjay) that there is nothing to this riding thing. 

- I know without a doubt that once I rhinestone my helmet, riding is going be so much easier cause rhinestones make EVERYTHING better!

It Totally Made Sense To Me

We have an annual event in Hood County called the Country Spirit Jamboree. I have to say, it is one of my favorite events of the year, but for any of you who have been a part of "Story Time" at a various happy hours, it is very different than any event we have here in Fort Worth.

This year as part of the live auction the committee was extremely excited about a miniature donkey (or as they refereed to it, the miniature Jesus donkey..another story, so another time my friends)  And I have to admit he is super cute....

Any who one afternoon I was talking to Mel about the fact that we might have to pull the donkey out of the auction for several reason.

1. The donkey was 4 years old and had never really been handled by people 
2. They can't be sure the donkey wouldn't bite and/or kick someone
3. And my favorite, apparently there is a near epidemic of people trying to "donate" miniature donkeys in Hood County because there are too many 

Then the conversation took a turn. 

      Me: The whole "There are too many miniature donkeys" is strange to me. Why are people breading them? What is their purpose. 

     Mel:  Not really sure. 

     Me: I mean really, what can it do? Pull a miniature wagon around your property?   

     Mel:   I guess, I am really not sure.  

     Me: I guess they would be really great for midget farmers because they could hook up little wagons and stuff. 

     Mel:   (just stares at me)  

     Me: Is there even such thing as a midget farmer? I mean I am sure there is. Just cause someone is small doesn't mean they can't be a good farmer. 

     Mel:   There are no words, no words. 

Well of course this conversation caused to do a little investagoogling! Apparently "Midget Farmers" is the name of a band...and not a very good one at that. But I couldn't find anything about real working farmers who are also midgets or at least not any pictures. 

Oh well, the idea totally made sense to me at the time. (and you know you agree with me!) So once again I ask, "What they heck do they need so many miniature donkeys for?"  

The Bicycle Battle - Part 1

When Kipper took his new job at Cook Children's last year, he quickly became very interested in cycling since many of his co-workers rode. So after saving up he got his first rode bike and has started riding a few times a week.

We have been talking about getting me a bike so that we can ride together, which was great since I had wanted a bike for a long time.  But Kipper's idea of a bike is not even close to Allie's idea of a bike. 

This is what I had been dreaming of.....

Kipper...not so much. He had found a bike on Craigslist that he thought would be a great deal for me, so he wanted to chat about it last night before he went to look at it today. 

The conversation went something like this. 

     Kipper: Honey, I found the perfect bike for you and I want you to tell me what you think before I drive to Garland to look at it. 

     Me: Is it pink?

     Kipper:  no.

     Me: Does it have fenders? 

     Kipper:  um, no. 

     Me: But it has a basket, right? 

     Kipper:  nope. Just look at it. It is teal. 

     Me: Fine. I could live with teal...after I add fenders and a basket.

     Kipper: (mumbles something to himself...) 

     Me: (looking at the bike) Yea....this is nice and all, but I was thinking    something more like this! (pulling up pictures of this FAB Kate Spade Bike I had found earlier that day) 

    

     Kipper:  Honey..look, that is very cute but not at all practical! If you want to ride with Me, Travis and Becky you need a bike that is functional. 

     Me: That bike is TOTALLY functional! Look at all the stuff you can carry and it even has a chain guard to protect the hem of your skirt from getting caught up in it! 

     Kipper: Really? Honey I love you, but we ride for conditioning. We ride for distance. We ride to train ourselves to become better athletes. If you are going to ride with us, you have to have a real bike. It won't be a Mary freaking Poppins ride through the park.

     Me: Mary Poppins never rode a bike. 

     Kipper:  What? 

     Me: Mary. Poppins. never. rode. a. bike. (opens google)

     Kipper: Yes she did! When she floated up in the sky.  

     Me:  Um, no...she used an umbrella. you are thinking of ET. Mary Poppins did ride a Carousal Horse though. 

     Kipper:  Whatever. It doesn't really matter, you know what I mean. 

     Me: Then why did you say it? 

     Kipper: (mumbles something to himself...)  

     Me:  Now, Julie Andrews did ride a bike in the Sound of Music when she played Maria. 

     Kipper:  See! I told you, Mary Poppins rode a bike! 

     Me: How do you figure that?  

     Kipper: Julie Andrews rode a bike when she played Maria in the Sound of Music. And then Julie Andrews played Mary Poppins. SO Mary freaking Poppins rode a bike! 

     Me: Yea and your Lance Armstrong cause you wear yellow and black when you ride. :)

To be continued...