Never Alone

For years I suffered and grieved silently as we fought to become parents. There was a breaking point when I realized that it wasn't healthy for me to keep going like that. God didn't mean for us to go through pain alone. Three or so years ago I found comfort and healing in writing about our journey and I promised myself I wouldn't stop with our adoption journey.

When I started to realize that things might not go as planned I started to wish I hadn't been so open about our planning and excitement. Sharing that part of our journey so publicly meant that I couldn't hide the grief from everyone around me. One of the first things I said to Chris was when we are ready to start again and when we are blessed to be matched again, I won't be be so open publicly.

Then the messages started pouring in. I have lost count of them but there was a common theme amongst many of them outside of sorrow for our situation - there was gratitude and thanksgiving. I never imagined that my simple musings about our journey had been pouring such hope and healing into others. There have also been other countless messages of HOPE from my sisters who have walked in our shoes and experienced the heartbreak of a failed adoption.

36 hours later I am so thankful we aren't walking through this grief alone. Chris and I have been overwhelmed by the love and support that has been poured over us. All the messages, phone calls, meals, flowers and wine (you know us well) has been a lifesaver. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for continuing to pray over the girls and their mom. Thank you for giving us grace and space as we figure out how move on.

Right now I don't know exactly where we go from here, but I do know it is forward. And it won't be alone. As one of my sweet sisters said to Chris and I yesterday "We are here for the long haul. Even if we have to take this journey 10 more times, Baby Martin is out there and we are going to bring them home!"