I haven't given much thought to my approaching 30th birthday...other than hounding my husband about planning a killer roller skating, 80's themed party to celebrate. Which I quickly decided against after almost killing myself roller skating at the JWC BOD Christmas Party...if you don't count any of that I haven't give it much thought. Yet the closer Oct 26th gets, the more I am thinking about it. Maybe panicking is a better term.
When you mention turning 30 you get so many responses from people. Anywhere from "I loved turning 30, I finally felt like a grown up!" to " I cried every time I thought about turning 30 " to my favorite "Wait, you are turning 30? Oh honey, if you want to have kids you really need to start thinking about that. It is all down hill from here!" All these words of wisdom are really what have gotten me thinking about it the last few weeks.
To me 30 seems like that odd in between age where you feel like you don't quite fit in. Maybe that is because even though I am a silly person, I really am an old soul to begin with. On the other hand I think it is because I personally am in a weird place in my life. That sounds really deep and like I am unhappy (which I am not) so let me explain....
As a girl scout in elementary school I was always the top cookie seller in our region. I lived for cookie season. I generally spent 3-4 weeks away form home, at residence camp over the course of each summer. (And yes this was by choice!)
Then I joined the Texas Girl's Choir in 3rd grade. So began 3 day a week rehearsals, touring, being an officer...TGC became my life. By the age of 14 I had traveled to 16 different countries, sang at the white house, held a handful of officer positions, among much more. Because of TGC I was able to experience things most people hope to do in their lifetime before I ever hit high school and these opportunities helped shape me into the person I am today.
By this point in my life I had decided I wanted to compete for Miss Teen Texas. I spent countless hours each week on my platform, volunteering for several organizations and speaking to groups about the importance of volunteerism. This opened the door for so many wonderful opportunities that most people at that age would not get. By the age of 18 I had the opportunity to serve as 1 or 2 minors on an active United Way board as well as not only attend, but be a featured presenter at the Texas Challenge State Volunteerism Conference - twice.
Flash forward a bit - the girl who said she would never get married until she was at least 30 was engaged at 20 and walking down the aisle at 22. (one of my all time best accomplishments on my "bucket list" ) Because of connections I made while competing in Teen and Miss Texas, I was able to secure my first "career" position a semester before I even graduated college.
By the time I am a married, working adult I replaced AXiD with JWC. From the moment I joined JWC, I knew I wanted to direct Spring Show one day. Yet since JWC goes to 40 I didn't expect that it would be anytime soon. Well....I am 29 and have directed Spring Show twice now. Oh and let's not forget that I wanted to someday give back to Miss Texas by being a director...well we have done that for 3 years now too.
You are probably wondering what all this has to do with me turning 30? I promise it does or at least in my head it does! lol.
I look at my life and feel like God has blessed me with so many amazing opportunities that I wouldn't trade for the world. But as people tell me the best years are still to come I have a flash of panic! How can I top all of this?? Or is it bad that a part of me just wants some time to go with the flow and not try to accomplish anything major? And where the heck do I fit in right now??? It is a struggle to put my feelings about fitting in into words. It is almost like I am too old to hang out with friends that are early to mid 20's because I am just not hip anymore. Then sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with my older friends. And then there is all my friends who have recently had kids or are expecting....I am the weird girl who has been married almost 8 years with no kids.
The worst part of feeling this way about turning 30? I have the most amazing husband, family, friends and coworkers a girl could ever ask for! God has blessed me in more ways than I can name. And really what is the big difference between 29 and 30? It isn't like I am going to start qualifying for the senior citizens discount a Luby's anytime soon. :)
After writing all this out it is now clear as day to me. I have spent a good part of my life busting my butt to catch all the big waves. While I wouldn't be the woman I am today without those experiences, I think 30 is a time for realignment. My time to let the waves come to me every so often and to just enjoy the view.