Grateful

I am so behind on blogging. I normally have several unfinished posts going at any given time, but this year I haven't event been able to get started. It has seriously been months since I have posted on my blog.  I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that 2016 just isn't my year to be Blogger of the Year. lol.

All joking aside, so many wonderful things have happened in our lives since my last post. As we get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and friends tomorrow I want to take the time to slow down and reflect on the last few months. On top of the normal everyday joys, there have been some life changing moments and there is only one word to describe my emotions - Grateful.

In August, after 15 long and trying months, Kipper graduated from nursing school and started preparing to take the NCLEX.

We also welcomed a precious new family member when Whitley gave birth to princess River Ann.

September was huge for us.

The month started out with dear friends hosting a fundraiser to help support our adoption. Kipper and I were blown away by our friends and loved ones generosity. For so long I could never make sense on paper of how we were going to make everything work, but through our sweet friends God provided in a big way. For the first time I was able to lay my head down at night and know that we could make this all work.

Shortly after Kipper took his NCLEX, and was blessed to have two job offers through Cook Children's as long as he passed. At the end of the month we found out he passed with flying colors and starting in November he would be the newest Cook Children's NICU RN.

Come October, or Allietober as it is known in our house, things were still busy as ever. We started the month out by Kipper joining me at his first every Birthday Party Project celebration at Union Gospel Mission.

We got started on painting the nursery to prepare for our adoption home study.

Kipper ran his last call as a member of the Cook Children's Teddy Bear team.

And I celebrated my 35th birthday with my dearest friends who surprised us with the yellow crib I have been in love with for over 2 years.

We kicked November off with Kipper's first day in the NICU and his Teddy Bear family throwing him an amazing surprise party that night. Complete with his favorite cake and a generous donation to our adoption fund.

We were able to take a family girl's trip to Canton that was a blast!

We scheduled our adoption home study and got the crib set up in the nursery (thanks to Little Polley's help!) Fenway is loving all the new baby apparatuses. He thinks they are for him. lol.

I have also been spending a lot of my free time painting the other nursery furniture, with Gulliver's help. ha!

On top of all of this work has been full speed ahead as I am in one of my busiest seasons and Kipper is drinking from the fire hydrant trying to learn everything he can about his new job. My training has suffered quite a bit, but I am accepting my season and have had fun going to weekly Zumba classes with Bridge and running when I can.

Now we are frantically getting ready for our adoption home study at the beginning of December and everything that the holidays brings. Yet, even though life has seemed to move at the speed of light the last few months we have still been able to enjoy so many special moments with friends and family.

This season has been full of change, both scary and exciting. Our hearts are full and we are embracing the change. We are surrounded my a community of love who supports and lifts us up at every turn.

We are thankful. We are humbled. We are more grateful than we could ever express.

From our family to yours - Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!

Cheers to 34: Grace Wins Every Time

{Disclaimer: This post is raw.  I didn't plan on sharing this but something tugged at me to do it. So I watered it down a little and hit publish. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but I promise it has a very happy ending!} 

Thanks to Timehop and my upcoming birthday I have been walking down memory lane the last week or so. Apps like Timehop can be really awesome as it reminds you of little moments that you might of forgotten about. Yet at the same time it can be painful as it reminds of times you might like to pretend never happened. This is where my reflection started.

A very dear friend and mentor always told me I was going to love my 30's. (I'm looking at you Melanie Wilson!) She would tell me that my 30's would be the best time of my life. I thought she was crazy!

My 20's were pretty much awesome, but the closer I got to 30 the more terrified I was. So much of my life was about checking things off a list I thought had to be completed by a certain time in my life. Don't get me wrong - I was happy and loved the path I was on. Even dealing with small bouts of depression and being medicated - I honestly didn't think life could be better. But looking back I realize I also felt this nonstop self induced pressure. I lived with the fear of missing out. The fear of not living up to the standards everyone expected me to uphold, even if those standards where created in my own head. Yet in those moments I was happy because I didn't know better. I couldn't imagine being happier.  And even though I was terrified of 30, in typical Allietober fashion I was already planning in my head the amazing 80's themed 30th birthday party I would have.  

Shortly after my 29th birthday everything changed. My world was rocked with pain and loss. Without going into details, I watched my family have the wind knocked out of it and struggle to navigate the new normal. A month later I watched a family I loved and cared about start their 6th or 7th battle with cancer - a 3rd diagnoses for sweet Lauren at only 20 years old. At this point the antidepressants no longer numbed the pain. Some days just getting dressed for work was more than I wanted to deal with. The weight began to pack on and added to my misery. This has become known as my "Dark Year" and not just because I choose to show my sadness by dying my hair dark. 

When life turned upside down, the over the top party I had planned got thrown out the window.  I vividly remember getting dressed for my 30th birthday party. Nothing fit right. I felt hideous and alone. And worst of all my heart was aching as Lauren, just a few days past her 21st birthday and being declared cancer free, had be admitted with the hospital and the family was beginning to prepare for the worst. I felt guilty for being so depressed and lackluster about going to a party where friends and family were waiting to celebrate me when someone I loved and cared about was suffering. 

I look at the photos from that night I am reminded how I kept reminding myself to smile.   Over and over I told myself to "fake it till you make it" because everyone is there to have fun and no one wants to be around a broken person.

At this point I still couldn't imagine my 30's being great. I was broken. I was hurting. I felt like God had abandoned me. Over the course of the next month or so I would hit my rock bottom. I became bitter and cynical. The thought of going to church or even opening my bible made me cringe. Yet in my weakest moments I found myself asking God to show me a sign He was still there.

Then something happened. In a moment of sheer desperation to feel normal and alive again I made a bet with my husband to run a mud run. That day in the mud changed me. I specifically remember a moment on top of a wall where I was terrified to come down. Again I asked God to show me a sign He was there. Seconds later a yellow butterfly landed right next to me and it was almost as if all my fear melted away. That might sound cheesy but its the truth. Even now when I am scared or feeling alone, I think about that moment and the impact it held on me. 

The truth is God never turned His back on me, it was in fact the opposite. I was so lost in my own pain and darkness I shut Him out. Looking back I see that He was always there, I was just too blind and self consumed to see it.

I've heard it said to truly find yourself you have to hit rock bottom. And while I would never wish the "Dark Year" on anyone else, for me that was the truth. 

So in the end Melanie was right - my 30's have been so much more than my 20's ever dreamed of being. My relationship God is stronger than ever before. Those dark times turned dear friends into family. And the bond with my husband is far stronger than I realized it ever could be. Finding true joy in God's love and incredible grace is so healing. 

The crazy part of all of this is that we have gone through some really rough things the last 4 years. From infertility and health scares to financial struggles and major life changes - things that would have broken me to the core before. They still hurt and I still struggled but it is different. Being completely honest, I struggle with depression but I never feel completely helpless or alone like before. The day that happens I know it is time to revisit the idea of going back on meds.  In the last 4 years I have found myself and my purpose. I am learning to love the body I have been blessed with. While it doesn't look too hot in a bikini anymore it can do some pretty darn incredible things that size 2 Allie would have never dared to try. (I know a few of your minds just went in the gutter...I'm talking about running you crazy pants!)  I am learning to trust God's perfect plan for me.  I am learning to embrace life when it doesn't go as planned. And I choose to wake up each day and choose JOY! 

I share all of this not for sympathy or accolades, but for the girl who feels like she has hit rock bottom. For the girl who feels alone and helpless. For the girl who thinks the best is behind her. There is hope. You are loved and so much more precious than you could ever imagine. 

As I start the first day of my 34th year I want challenge each of you to choose JOY and help share a little of it every day. 

• Reach out to a friend. You never know how a simple phone call, text or unexpected happy hour could change things for them. 
• If you are struggling - don't make the same mistake I did and turn from God. He has you - just have faith.  And if you have never had a personal relationship with Him it is never too late! You have no idea the peace and joy that is waiting for you. 
• Give and keep giving. 
• Break through your comfort zone and challenge yourself to something you have only dreamed of. But remember it isn't the end goal, but the journey getting there that matters most. 

And I couldn't end this without saying thank you to each and every one of you:

• Who have never left my side
• Who support me even when you think I am completely insane
• Who encourage me to be and give more 
• Who love me unconditionally even in my darkest days
• Who bring me so much joy each and every day!! 

Cheers to 34, my friends!! The best is yet to come!! 

Help Spread JOY To Local Homeless Children This Allietober

Everyone knows I LOVE birthdays! I am pretty sure my love of birthdays started at an early age and just keep growing. 

As a child, I was very fortunate to have a family who always hosted awesome parties and showered me with love. The older I got the more I wanted to share that feeling with those I hold near and dear, including my fur babies (don't judge) on their special day. 

When October became Allietober it wasn't because I wanted a month of gifts or parties. It was more about capturing that spirit of celebration and JOY for more than a day. This year (inspired by my boss Rachel's sweet little boy, Grant) I have decided to share the JOY I feel all Allitober and #sharemybirthday with The Birthday Party Project! 

The Birthday Party Project is a DFW based nonprofit who brings JOY to homeless children through the MAGIC of birthdays by throwing monthly birthday parties at local shelters. I have had the opportunity to volunteer for this organization and was incredibly touched by how a simple action such as throwing a birthday party could impact a child who is living with so many uncertainties. 

Each party has a fun theme and includes all the children staying a the shelter. In addition to all the party activities and treats, each birthday child receives their own special cake and a birthday gift valued at $30. 

Every child should have the opportunity to experience the joy and excitement we all remember from our childhood birthdays. While we can't take away the pain and uncertainty  these children experience, we can help create a special memory they can hold on to when times are really tough. This Allietober I hope you will join me in helping spread JOY to the homeless children in our community through the magic of birthdays by supporting The Birthday Party Project!  

So right about now you are probably wondering what you can do to help, aren't you?!? Well there are several, simple ways you can help out! 

Donate Dollars 

The easiest way to contribute is by making tax-deductible donation online on my #shareyourbirthday fundraising page!  The coolest part about making a financial donation is that 100% of the donation goes directly to the cost of the parties! 

Not sure how much to give? On average this is what it takes for each party to happen, 

Of course no amount is too small and every single penny goes a long way in sharing the JOY with these precious kiddos! 

Donate Items 

Another great way is by donating something from their wish list! I am more than happy to arrange pick up of your items. 

• Birthday Gift Wrapping Supplies
• General Party Supplies (Hats, Horns, Streamers)
• Toys (All Ages, $30 Value)
• Round and Rectangle Plastic Tablecloths
• Gift Cards (Walmart, Target, Toys R Us) 

Donate Time

Become a Birthday Enthusiast and volunteer for a party! (find out more here) This is a great opportunity for just you, your family or a group of friends!  Parties fill up fast so you have to plan ahead, but I can promise you one thing - you won't regret it! 

Donate Your Status

Unable to donate or volunteer right now? Or want to do more? This is easiest way you can help - share this blog and/or the link to my #shareyourbirthday fundraising page on your social media platforms! The Birthday Party Project started as a grassroots effort in Dallas and now has expanded to over 12 cities in 8 different states in just 4 short years! People just like you spreading the word has made it possible for for over 11,000 homeless children to experience JOY through the MAGIC of birthdays!

It is my hope this Allietober that with the help of my friends and loved ones we will be able to spread the JOY to some really special children. Thank you in advance for taking the time to consider supporting this wonderful cause. And cheers to making the 34th Allietober the best one yet!