Thankful Reflection

This time last year at Party on the Patio, as rain poured down in buckets around us and we drank our second (or third?) margaritas -a conversation that changed everything took place. I will never forget how it started - "I want to ask you something and I don't want you to say no!"  Then she proceeded to tell me how she wanted to do some sort of fundraiser to help us with our adoption journey.

Just days before this Chris and I had talked about how we were going to have to humble ourselves and accept the help from others. We couldn't take this journey alone - financially, emotionally or spiritually. Saying yes to my dear friend that night has allowed so many doors to be opened for us on this journey. It was fitting that while I am struggling with the wait and unknown I was brought back to that moment one year ago.

We wouldn't be where we are without our friends and family, but we really couldn't without Amy. She is always the first to ask "What can we do?" or "How can I pray for you?" Tonight I am thankful for the chain of events that lead us to each other. I am thankful for a friend who has helped push me out of my comfort zones - spiritually, emotionally and physically. We couldn't have made it to this moment without her.

Grateful

I am so behind on blogging. I normally have several unfinished posts going at any given time, but this year I haven't event been able to get started. It has seriously been months since I have posted on my blog.  I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that 2016 just isn't my year to be Blogger of the Year. lol.

All joking aside, so many wonderful things have happened in our lives since my last post. As we get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and friends tomorrow I want to take the time to slow down and reflect on the last few months. On top of the normal everyday joys, there have been some life changing moments and there is only one word to describe my emotions - Grateful.

In August, after 15 long and trying months, Kipper graduated from nursing school and started preparing to take the NCLEX.

We also welcomed a precious new family member when Whitley gave birth to princess River Ann.

September was huge for us.

The month started out with dear friends hosting a fundraiser to help support our adoption. Kipper and I were blown away by our friends and loved ones generosity. For so long I could never make sense on paper of how we were going to make everything work, but through our sweet friends God provided in a big way. For the first time I was able to lay my head down at night and know that we could make this all work.

Shortly after Kipper took his NCLEX, and was blessed to have two job offers through Cook Children's as long as he passed. At the end of the month we found out he passed with flying colors and starting in November he would be the newest Cook Children's NICU RN.

Come October, or Allietober as it is known in our house, things were still busy as ever. We started the month out by Kipper joining me at his first every Birthday Party Project celebration at Union Gospel Mission.

We got started on painting the nursery to prepare for our adoption home study.

Kipper ran his last call as a member of the Cook Children's Teddy Bear team.

And I celebrated my 35th birthday with my dearest friends who surprised us with the yellow crib I have been in love with for over 2 years.

We kicked November off with Kipper's first day in the NICU and his Teddy Bear family throwing him an amazing surprise party that night. Complete with his favorite cake and a generous donation to our adoption fund.

We were able to take a family girl's trip to Canton that was a blast!

We scheduled our adoption home study and got the crib set up in the nursery (thanks to Little Polley's help!) Fenway is loving all the new baby apparatuses. He thinks they are for him. lol.

I have also been spending a lot of my free time painting the other nursery furniture, with Gulliver's help. ha!

On top of all of this work has been full speed ahead as I am in one of my busiest seasons and Kipper is drinking from the fire hydrant trying to learn everything he can about his new job. My training has suffered quite a bit, but I am accepting my season and have had fun going to weekly Zumba classes with Bridge and running when I can.

Now we are frantically getting ready for our adoption home study at the beginning of December and everything that the holidays brings. Yet, even though life has seemed to move at the speed of light the last few months we have still been able to enjoy so many special moments with friends and family.

This season has been full of change, both scary and exciting. Our hearts are full and we are embracing the change. We are surrounded my a community of love who supports and lifts us up at every turn.

We are thankful. We are humbled. We are more grateful than we could ever express.

From our family to yours - Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!

Dear Future Birth Mother

Disclaimer: Over the last 9+ months Planned Parenthood has been a hot button topic in the news, conversations and social media.  While Mr. Martin loves a good political debate/conversation Mrs. Martin tends to shy away from them.  I have had a decade long struggle with my thoughts on Planned Parenthood. I am that weird Pro-Lifer who actually thinks that defunding Planned Parenthood will increase abortions, but this isn't about that.  I am not wanting to start a debate or shame anyone. I have dear friends, who I respect the heck out of, on both sides of this issue. Friends who have real experience on all sides of the issue. And while this isn't a new debate or conversation, this time around it has weighed on my heart more than ever before. I am sure our personal situation and journey to parenthood has a lot to do with that. This post is my response to the lump in my throat and ache in my heart that has lingered for the last several months watching the mud slinging over the latest Planned Parenthood controversy. After sitting in my draft box for nearly a year, I had sort of forgotten I even wrote this. But during prayer over the last few days I remembered it and today I felt this overwhelming need to publicly share.  


June 14, 2015


Dear Future Birth Mother,

I have been thinking a lot about you lately. I don't know you. At least I don't think I do. I don't know where you live or even how old you are. Sometimes I try to imagine you and your situation. Are you a young teenager or a college student? Maybe a young woman who is struggling to make it week to week. Or is your situation more dire? Do you struggle with an addiction or are you in an unhealthy relationship? I wish I could know more about you so I could be more specific when I pray for you each day.

Right now you aren't even pregnant and given our timeline it could be a year, maybe more before you are. Maybe you know the birth father or you might not have even met him yet, but I am still praying for you both.  I pray that even though you have no idea what is coming God is helping to prepare your hearts.

I often think about you in the moment you find out you are pregnant. I can only imagine the emotions you will feel as you stare down at those two pink lines for the first time. In those moments when you might possibly feel like your world is crashing down around you, I pray that you feel the presence of God with you. As you run through the emotions of feeling helpless, scared, alone, even angry - I pray that God will give you strength and a sense of peace that in the end things will be okay.

Because I don't know you or your situation, I don't know what type of support system you have or how those around you will react. In a perfect world I imagine you with a loving and supportive family and group of friends. They will stand by you, love you and never show judgement. I also know that we don't live in a perfect world so I pray that no matter your situation you have at least one person you can trust who will love you, support you, and never judge you.

I pray that they will walk beside you through your journey and as you make a decision of how to move forward. As you weigh your options I pray that God is there guiding your heart; giving you strength and wisdom. I pray that if you feel abortion is your only option or if you are being pressured into that decision that God puts the right people in your life at the right moment to show you there is another option. That there are families, like ours, who would love nothing more than to give your child the life you could only dream of giving them.

When the day comes that you decide that placing your child for adoption is the best choice, I pray for peace and comfort. I imagine that decision will be one of the hardest, if not the hardest one you will ever make. It is also one of the most selfless decisions anyone women can make and I know is made out of pure love for your child.

As you begin the journey to choose a family and you pour through adoption profile books, I pray that our family is the answer to your prayers for your child. I hope that in that profile you are able to see our hearts, our love for each other, and our desire to serve others. And if we are able to meet, I pray that we are able to confirm all those feelings you felt reading our profile.  I pray that you find comfort in knowing that you have found a family that will raise your precious child (with the help of a generous village of friends and family) to always know the beautiful gift their mother gave them and to never take a moment of it for granted.

And when the day comes for you to sign the papers, I pray that you still have the same peace and comfort you felt when you decided we were the family for you. I can't even imagine the emotions you are feeling. For me I pray that in all our excitement of becoming parents, I never lose sight of the fact that one of our most joyous days is one of your most painful. I pray that in even in your pain, you feel loved, supported and comforted not only by God but those around you. Us included. While I know every adoption is different and there is no way to know right now how open ours will be in the end - I pray that God will guide all of our hearts to the perfect arrangement that isn't just best for the child, but for you as well.

Even though I don't know you yet, I think about you and pray for you every day. And I imagine someday when I am looking into that precious baby's eyes, I will still think about you. I will think about how brave and selfless you were. How in world where you had other options, you choose life. And even though I don't know you yet, I am already beyond thankful for you and in an unexplainable way, I carry a piece of you in my heart.

Until our paths cross,
Allie

Cheers to 34: Grace Wins Every Time

{Disclaimer: This post is raw.  I didn't plan on sharing this but something tugged at me to do it. So I watered it down a little and hit publish. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but I promise it has a very happy ending!} 

Thanks to Timehop and my upcoming birthday I have been walking down memory lane the last week or so. Apps like Timehop can be really awesome as it reminds you of little moments that you might of forgotten about. Yet at the same time it can be painful as it reminds of times you might like to pretend never happened. This is where my reflection started.

A very dear friend and mentor always told me I was going to love my 30's. (I'm looking at you Melanie Wilson!) She would tell me that my 30's would be the best time of my life. I thought she was crazy!

My 20's were pretty much awesome, but the closer I got to 30 the more terrified I was. So much of my life was about checking things off a list I thought had to be completed by a certain time in my life. Don't get me wrong - I was happy and loved the path I was on. Even dealing with small bouts of depression and being medicated - I honestly didn't think life could be better. But looking back I realize I also felt this nonstop self induced pressure. I lived with the fear of missing out. The fear of not living up to the standards everyone expected me to uphold, even if those standards where created in my own head. Yet in those moments I was happy because I didn't know better. I couldn't imagine being happier.  And even though I was terrified of 30, in typical Allietober fashion I was already planning in my head the amazing 80's themed 30th birthday party I would have.  

Shortly after my 29th birthday everything changed. My world was rocked with pain and loss. Without going into details, I watched my family have the wind knocked out of it and struggle to navigate the new normal. A month later I watched a family I loved and cared about start their 6th or 7th battle with cancer - a 3rd diagnoses for sweet Lauren at only 20 years old. At this point the antidepressants no longer numbed the pain. Some days just getting dressed for work was more than I wanted to deal with. The weight began to pack on and added to my misery. This has become known as my "Dark Year" and not just because I choose to show my sadness by dying my hair dark. 

When life turned upside down, the over the top party I had planned got thrown out the window.  I vividly remember getting dressed for my 30th birthday party. Nothing fit right. I felt hideous and alone. And worst of all my heart was aching as Lauren, just a few days past her 21st birthday and being declared cancer free, had be admitted with the hospital and the family was beginning to prepare for the worst. I felt guilty for being so depressed and lackluster about going to a party where friends and family were waiting to celebrate me when someone I loved and cared about was suffering. 

I look at the photos from that night I am reminded how I kept reminding myself to smile.   Over and over I told myself to "fake it till you make it" because everyone is there to have fun and no one wants to be around a broken person.

At this point I still couldn't imagine my 30's being great. I was broken. I was hurting. I felt like God had abandoned me. Over the course of the next month or so I would hit my rock bottom. I became bitter and cynical. The thought of going to church or even opening my bible made me cringe. Yet in my weakest moments I found myself asking God to show me a sign He was still there.

Then something happened. In a moment of sheer desperation to feel normal and alive again I made a bet with my husband to run a mud run. That day in the mud changed me. I specifically remember a moment on top of a wall where I was terrified to come down. Again I asked God to show me a sign He was there. Seconds later a yellow butterfly landed right next to me and it was almost as if all my fear melted away. That might sound cheesy but its the truth. Even now when I am scared or feeling alone, I think about that moment and the impact it held on me. 

The truth is God never turned His back on me, it was in fact the opposite. I was so lost in my own pain and darkness I shut Him out. Looking back I see that He was always there, I was just too blind and self consumed to see it.

I've heard it said to truly find yourself you have to hit rock bottom. And while I would never wish the "Dark Year" on anyone else, for me that was the truth. 

So in the end Melanie was right - my 30's have been so much more than my 20's ever dreamed of being. My relationship God is stronger than ever before. Those dark times turned dear friends into family. And the bond with my husband is far stronger than I realized it ever could be. Finding true joy in God's love and incredible grace is so healing. 

The crazy part of all of this is that we have gone through some really rough things the last 4 years. From infertility and health scares to financial struggles and major life changes - things that would have broken me to the core before. They still hurt and I still struggled but it is different. Being completely honest, I struggle with depression but I never feel completely helpless or alone like before. The day that happens I know it is time to revisit the idea of going back on meds.  In the last 4 years I have found myself and my purpose. I am learning to love the body I have been blessed with. While it doesn't look too hot in a bikini anymore it can do some pretty darn incredible things that size 2 Allie would have never dared to try. (I know a few of your minds just went in the gutter...I'm talking about running you crazy pants!)  I am learning to trust God's perfect plan for me.  I am learning to embrace life when it doesn't go as planned. And I choose to wake up each day and choose JOY! 

I share all of this not for sympathy or accolades, but for the girl who feels like she has hit rock bottom. For the girl who feels alone and helpless. For the girl who thinks the best is behind her. There is hope. You are loved and so much more precious than you could ever imagine. 

As I start the first day of my 34th year I want challenge each of you to choose JOY and help share a little of it every day. 

• Reach out to a friend. You never know how a simple phone call, text or unexpected happy hour could change things for them. 
• If you are struggling - don't make the same mistake I did and turn from God. He has you - just have faith.  And if you have never had a personal relationship with Him it is never too late! You have no idea the peace and joy that is waiting for you. 
• Give and keep giving. 
• Break through your comfort zone and challenge yourself to something you have only dreamed of. But remember it isn't the end goal, but the journey getting there that matters most. 

And I couldn't end this without saying thank you to each and every one of you:

• Who have never left my side
• Who support me even when you think I am completely insane
• Who encourage me to be and give more 
• Who love me unconditionally even in my darkest days
• Who bring me so much joy each and every day!! 

Cheers to 34, my friends!! The best is yet to come!! 

Hello Awesome: Finding the Courage to Believe

February in Texas is always a little unpredictable. One week you have highs in the 80's and the next week you are hit with Thundersleet and mass school closures. So when you sign up for a February race you just have to be prepared that Mother Nature might not be on her meds that week and you could have basically any extreme.

As many of you know I had been working my tail off training for this year's Cowtown Half Marathon. It was going to be my PR race and if everything went just right I was going to run my first sub 3 hour half.  While that seems so slow compared to many of my running friends, this was a BIG deal for me.

I can honestly say I put more heart and soul into my training than I have ever had, with maybe the exception of my first half marathon. For so long I had just accepted the fact that I was a slow runner I never really tried to get any faster, finishing was all that really mattered. When I finally decided that I wanted to get faster I hired a coach and went all in. In order to really tell my race day story, I have to give you a little back story as well! :)

My sweet (and super fast!!) friend Little Amy would always tell me, "You are faster than you think. You can run faster."  Her encouragement is part of what got me to the point of wanting to get faster but I didn't truly believe those words. Even though I was getting faster and seeing results each workout, in the back of my mind I was still that slow girl I had come to identify with. Then one day that all changed.

AJ, Jen, Kipper and I all signed up to run the Hot Chocolate 15k in Dallas the first weekend of February. It was COLD, but thankfully sunny. In order to avoid standing in the wind any longer we jumped up several corrals so we could just get started.

For the first mile I knew was going too fast. I was keeping up with AJ but I wanted to get through the crowd so I could set into my pace. The course had quite a few more hills than I expected but I was feeling really good. I use Map My Run and each mile a voice come on and tells you your pace for the last mile, as well as your overall average pace. At Mile 7 I started to panic!! I ran 12:45 mile and was averaging right around 13:00. I started to slow up a bit telling myself "I don't run that fast! I better slow down or I won't make it!" Then something clicked. I do run that fast, I had just gone 7 miles that fast and still felt really, really good!! I will never forget that moment. At Mile 7 everything changed.

Fast forward a few weeks to the week of Cowtown. It is expected to be cold and rainy both Saturday for the 5k and Sunday for the Half.  Naturally I started to panic about the rain.  If it was bad on Saturday I wasn't going to risk slipping on wet roads and would just hold off for the Half on Sunday. Little did I know that rain was going to be the least of my concerns.

Come Thursday the sleet and snow from the week before decided to make a reappearance. I was glued to the Cowtown Marathon Facebook, page waiting for updates.

Friday morning came the first announcement: Expo was not opening on Friday and Saturday's races were canceled. At that point I was fine. We were only doing the 5k for fun and to earn the challenge medal. We would have to wait till Saturday to see what would happen so Kipper and I settled in for a fun snow day.

Saturday morning we got word that the Expo would open at 1:00 p.m. so we all planned to meet up there that afternoon. Kipper had a 3 hour ride scheduled on the CompuTrainer at Trident so I packed some snacks and my iPad to tag along so we could go to the Expo afterwards.  The roads were bad and had not melted nearly as much as I had hoped.

By the time we finally made it to the Expo the parking lot was like an ice skating rink and lines were longer than I have ever seen them. Some people waited up to an hour to get their packets! I felt so bad for the volunteers and staff. While most people where very kind some were down right rude, especially on social media. As someone who used to plan outdoor events for 10,000-15,000 people (that typically fell during hurricane season with crazy thunderstorms) I knew exactly what they were going through. I always try to thank volunteers and race workers, but this year I made a point to be overly appreciative to them.

Late that afternoon they canceled the Full and Ultra Marathons, but the Half Marathon was still a go with a later start time. Given that the back half of the Full and Ultra courses were on many less traveled residential streets and the trails, this call made plenty of sense. They could focus on clearing the major roads and those runners were invited to run the Half if they wanted. AJ and I still planned to run, but poor Jen was stuck in her neighborhood due to ice. As the evening went on friends started withdrawing left and right. I was in full blown panic.  They had crews who would be working through the night to make the roads ready and given some photos being posted on the Facebook page, they had a lot of work to do!  At that point I had given up on the idea of my PR race and decided I would make the final call if I would run once I got there in the morning. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well that night.

Come Sunday morning Kipper started to feel really uneasy about me running. The roads going to pick up AJ were still bad. After he dropped us off at the Start Line he drove to look at some of the course. The bridges were still really icy and at this point I could tell he didn't want me to run. I started to call it but AJ and Tim helped talk me into it. For the first time ever I was excited to be in the last corral because there would be at least 45 minutes of people running in front of me, helping clear the roads more. I promised Kipper that I would check in with him every few miles and if I got to a place where I felt unsafe I would call him to come get me.

AJ and I headed out to get in our corral. At this point our goal was to not freeze to death, finish and just have fun. On a side note the new corral system is awesome! I felt much more relaxed getting ready to start, which says a lot given the situation.  One last photo at the start line and we were off.

The first mile was great. While the roads still had quite a bit of slush if you followed the tire tracks they were clear. I suddenly felt much better...until I hit the park. The road in front of the Duck Pond was terrible. Taking my time I made sure to watch every step and didn't try to get out of the tire tracks to pass anyone. I'm pretty sure I held my breath until I got to 7th Street!

I checked in with Kipper after Mile 2 and was making crazy good time. I could tell he was still a little nervous so I decided not to fill him in on the Duck Pond experience. lol. At this point I started to settle into my pace and just ran. I saw several friends along the way and was just enjoying myself. Along the way Kipper texted me that I was tracking to set a PR but I tried not to get my hopes up because it was still early on.

Around Mile 7 I finally got to see Kipper which is always boost. It was also at this point (my lucky number 7 seems to be paying off for me this year) I realized that the race I had planned for was still possible. Instead of playing mind games with myself, at that moment I committed - I was going to do what I had trained for and I was going to get my Half Marathon PR. I put on my favorite Chris Tomlin song (yes, one song on repeat) and dug in.

Over the next few miles I was so focused on the words of my music I don't remember all the little details I normally do. I do remember being happy to see Katy at the top of the Main Street bridge and running into my co-worker Phillip as I came into downtown. And somewhere right after that my left butt check got so cold I thought maybe my pants ripped. Seriously. Then I freaked out that I could have peed on myself and it had frozen. I am happy to announce neither of those things happened...I was just really freaking cold and wet!!

Coming into Mile 12 my left leg started to hurt. I was so worried about re-injuring my right ankle I know I must have over compensated with my left leg because this had never happened before. A few times I had to stop for just a second to shake it out/stretch it a little so I could turn it on when I rounded the corner to the finish.  As I was coming into Will Rogers I knew I had my PR in the bag. When I saw my coach, Monica, I knew I was soooo close to my Sub 3 race I just couldn't let up.

As bad as my leg was hurting a mile before, it all suddenly went away as I ran that last stretch to the finish line. As I got a little closer I was finally able to make out the time on the clock and I knew. At that point I didn't even try to fight back the tears.

By the grace of God I crossed the finish line at 2:58:55. A Sub 3 race and a 22 minute PR!!  And to think just a few hours earlier I nearly gave into my fears and backed out of the whole thing. (to my credit it was mainly the fear of re-injuring myself but still) 

I will never forget crossing that finish line and seeing Kipper just off to the side. Walking over to him I was bawling and I call could say was "I did it! I did it!" And he keep asking "What did you do?" and laughing. He knew I had set a PR but he wasn't sure if I had made it under the 3 hour mark.  He was maybe as giddy as I was. And I will never forgot the look on his face when he showed me the text message with my official time.

Needless to say, I am incredibly blessed with a super supportive husband. I love that we both support each others races and find so much joy in seeing each other succeed. I assumed that Kipper would have been taking photos all day, like I normally do for him. When I asked him to send me photos from today he also sent me a picture of his pancakes from when he was waiting for me so I could have "a full scope of today's events!" So I have no picture with him, my coach or my mom, but I do have this. I think this is an "area of opportunity" for him as a Sherpa. Lol.

Even though I have been running for nearly 4 years it feels new again.  This is my journey. Reaching this milestone is only the beginning. I know there will be moments where it harder than others. I know there will be moments I will doubt myself. Heck it is hard not to sometimes compare myself to our list of friends who are super fast.  I might never be able to get to where they are and that is completely okay.

In closing I want to say thank you to the those who believed in me before I believed in myself. You gently nudged me (or in some cases gave be a big shove) to push past my comfort zone. You are there to hold my hand when I need support to make the next step. You listen when I hit a wall and you are there to celebrate when I break through it. It takes a village and I couldn't have done it without you.  Cheers to more adventures!

The Triathlete's Wife

Ever since we ran our first 5K and Kipper got his first road bike, he had talked about wanting to do a triathlon. So after losing just over 100 pounds that dream became a reality and he did his first triathlon. It was just a short sprint called Try the Tri but you would have thought it was the Olympics by how proud I was of him. Seriously.

After that race I assumed there would be more but then the word "Ironman" started coming up more and more. (and he wasn't talking about the movie either!)  At that time I couldn't wrap my head around him taking on something like that. But as time went on, the pieces started to fall in place and I finally could see it.

After 2 years of new athletic adventures we both had big dreams for 2014. I was going to do my first marathon in February and Kipper would do his first half Ironman in October. We both agreed we would do what we needed to in order to support each other through achieving this fitness dreams. Which basically meant while the other was training we would step up and be domestic. (which I am not!)  Let me tell you Mr. Martin got the better end of the deal because his training is WAY longer than mine was. lol.

First up...find a tri coach! This was a long process that he actually started in December 2013. If you know Kipper, you know his OCD.  Agonizing over who was the best fit for our lifestyle and his personality, plus their training philosophy was a beat down. In my heart I knew who was best for him, but I only offered up advice when asked and tried to let him figure it out for himself. In the end Trident was his pick. As well as mine since the day we met with Tim nearly a month before.

I'm not going to lie, after meeting with the coaches I was nervous. Ironman anything was a big time commitment and time wasn't something we always have a lot of. Between working 2 jobs, school and family this was going to be a major life change for not only Kipper, but me too.

And then there was my "investagoogle" of how Ironman training affects marriages. Much of what I found didn't ease my mind. Story after story of damaged relationships but then there were a few that talked about how it made their marriage stronger. We are very blessed with a strong marriage and I made a promise to myself that in the end we would be better for this experience.

For the last 8 months our lives have sort of revolved around triathlon. While it hasn't always been easy and there have been times if I had to wash another water bottle I might have gone mental, it has been incredibly rewarding. I have watched my husband grow in ways that just 4 years ago I would have never imagined. We found a new normal in our relationship and made it work.   And with less than a week till race day I am happy to say with a lot of work, we both made good on the promise of our marriage being better for this experience.

I feel like we are more in tune to each others needs more than every before (which is kind of crazy since we have always been pretty good about that!) I will be the first to tell you I got lonely with Kipper training so much. Many days he would work a 12 hour shift and then go workout for 2+ hours. By the time he got home he would shower, eat and pass out on the coach. Then back up at 4:30-5:00 am to do it all again the next day. He has been so good about picking up on when I just need time and somehow making it happen. Lunch dates on his days off during the week have been a true blessing.

For my part (other than the extra domestic stuff) I tried to play it by ear each week to see how I could best help Kipper through that week. Sometimes it was helping get his stuff for the next day together, picking up dinner because he was too tired to cook (and didn't want what I would cook! lol) or staying up with the fur babies when they were extra playful so he could sleep. Other times it was as simple as reminding him that I truly believe he can do this or keeping him company on a run when his head is telling him to quit.

The one thing I did every week that never changed was prayer. Lots and lots of prayers. For us our athletic adventures have been very spiritual. As much as we have enjoyed the challenges, it isn't about us. The grace of God and His strength have carried both of us over each finish line. It is the same grace and strength that have helped Kipper push through workouts when he didn't think he could give an ounce more.  And even though the participant handbook says you can receive no outside help, come Sunday, October 26, 2014 I know Kipper won't have to do this alone. And that gives me an incredible amount of peace.

I know I speak for both Kipper and I, we are so grateful for supportive friends and family who have been there through this journey. It takes a village and we are very blessed to have a HUGE village praying and supporting this weekend.

For those of you who would like to follow along from home there are a few ways you can:

1. Follow my Instagram/Facebook posts #halfironkipper 
2. Follow the athlete tracker on the Ironman website. He is bib 2655
3. Watch the live feed from the finish line 

Many friends have asked what they can do to support Kipper this weekend. His wave is slated to hit the water at 8:10 a.m. Sunday morning. If you don't mind, please stop and say a prayer at 8:10. Pray for a safe, injury free race. Pray for peace of mind. Pray for endurance. And most of all pray that God is glorified every step of the way.

I can't believe the day is almost here. A day that has been in the making for 4 years.  This proud wife can't think of a better way to spend her 33rd Birthday than cheering on her best friend as he achieves this dream!

The Day I Became Marathon Allie

This has to be at least the 20th time I have sat down to write this post. Every time I open up a page to start, my mind is overwhelmed and I am at a loss for words. I get emotional as I start to relive the entire day, mile by mile. I have come to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to do this experience justice with my words.

As with most exciting experiences, I had trouble sleeping the night before. Once I was finally able to fall asleep, I woke up a few times in a sweat that I had overslept and missed the whole thing.  Once 5 a.m. rolled around I was up and less nervous than I thought. As I got dressed I was excited and ready to get started. But as we drove to AJ's house the nerves started to flare up. I remember grabbing Chris' hand and asking him, " I can do this, right?"  What I can't remember is what he said back to me. Seriously....no recollection whatsoever. I actually don't remember much of what happened or was said between me asking that question and him dropping AJ, Jen and I off to go to the start line.

What I did remember was posting this photo and saying a prayer. During that prayer I prayed for a safe, injury free race for everyone involved and for God to help me push through whenever I doubted myself or felt like I couldn't keep going. While I joke that I do races for the medals (don't get me wrong, I love them!) this race was different. It was not only a physical and mental challenge, it was very spiritual for me. It was the ultimate testament to God's greatness and the transformation he has helped me make over the last year.


By many people's standards I shouldn't be running a marathon. I am overweight. I am slow. I didn't train 6 days a week. But I didn't care, I have the heart of a runner. Not only was I running a marathon, I was running after being 100% med free for nearly a year. There were so many times during my training I wanted to take Adderall to help me push through/focus my mind, but I didn't give in. I panicked a week or so before and really considered taking it the day of the race, but in my heart I felt like I would be cheating myself. I am so glad I didn't give in to the fear.

Throughout the day there were a handful of very clear moments that I knew without a doubt, God was sending me the help I prayed for. Those are the moments that have stayed with me for nearly a month afterwards, that continue to work on my heart and make me want keep going.

When we walked to our corral, I was doing everything I could to keep my nerves in check. There were so many more people this year and my biggest cheerleader wasn't physically there to reassure me that it would all be ok.  As we found our way into our corral and were waiting to start, my nerves went into hyper drive. Behind me a girl was making a video to post before we started. The video went something like this: "I am about to run my first half marathon! I am so nervous but I just want to be an inspiration to all the girls out there that have every doubted themselves. Wish me luck!"

Even with all the people and noise, I remember this moment so clearly. It was a simple message, but it spoke to my heart. That is so much of what I wanted from this experience. I wanted to inspire others to reach deep and push themselves to do something they never imagined doing. I wanted to show others who had been in the dark place that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I wanted glorify God every step of my journey. Within a few moments my nerves had calmed and I was focused.

Once we started I felt great, other than a little rumble in my stomach that I had just chalked up to nerves and figured it would go away. Little did I know that "rumble" would cause me quite a bit of trouble and help add nearly 45 minutes to my time.

Other than stomach issues and one of the water stops being out of cups, the first 12-13 miles were amazing! The energy on the course was awesome and even going up the Main Street bridge, I felt so strong.  I loved seeing my family and friends in the Stockyards and then again on Magnolia. Truth be told, I wasn't totally prepared for how lonely the course would get when the half and full split at mile 10. There were moments I felt like I was the only one still out there. I am so thankful I did all my long runs alone, otherwise this would have really been an issue.

I knew I would see everyone again right before mile 15 at Laura and Sean's house, but mile 14 is where the mind games started. I remember tearing up just a little when I saw Kipper and my Dad run across the street to meet me. For a brief moment I wanted to call it a day, a very brief moment. The cheers of from my family and sweet friends gave me another wind. Around the corner and off I went.


The next 2 miles went great. I was keeping my mind games in check and my stomach had calmed down a bit. Sadly that peace was short lived. Somewhere between mile 17 and 18, I lost it. Full blown meltdown. There were moments my eyes started to burn from the tears and I felt weighed down by sun was beating down on my back. I was really ready to give up, I no longer believed I could do it. I tried to focus on the lyrics of the song that was playing, which just happened to be Matt Maher's Hold Us Together. Shortly after the first verse I saw I woman running towards me, waving her arms. I sucked up my tears and pulled out my ear buds so I could hear her. She was so sweet, wanting to make sure I was ok and even offered to stay with me. I assured her I was ok (which was a total lie) and thanked her. As she started off the other direction she yelled "They are all in the park waiting to cheer for you! Keep Going!"  

I knew Fosters Park was the next place I would see family and friends, so that comment made the tears flow again. As I put my ear buds back in, these were the lyrics playing...

And love will hold us together

Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I'll be my brother's keeper

So the whole world will know that we're not alone

This is the first day of the rest of your life

This is the first day of the rest of your life

'Cause even in the dark, you can still see the light

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright

It was an aha moment to say the least. With a semi-fake smile on my face I kept pushing through. By the time I saw Kipper and my Dad again, my stomach was killing me and I was starting to worry about finishing in time. I could have sworn I was the only person still out there and that was really disheartening. Kipper assured me if I stayed on track I would be fine, I just had to keep going.

At Mile 20 is where I saw the whole gang, with the big banner they made AJ and I. This is when I found my next guardian angel of the day. Jenn Harris sent Bobby on to mile 23 to meet Kipper and stayed with me. Not only did she run the next 3 miles with me, she helped me make it to the next bathroom stop and kept
talking so I didn't have time to think too much.  By the time we meet the guys at the Woodshed, I felt like a new women. I was hurting and tired, but the end was in sight. Only 3 miles left, but they were 3 miles I had run a million times before. Both AJ and I said, if we could make it to the park we would be okay. We knew that part of the trail like the back of our hand.

The last 3 miles were amazing. Once in the park I realized there were lots of people still out on the course. I met up with a lady from Arkansas running her 2nd marathon and a 65 year old gentleman from Fort Worth who was also running his 1st marathon.  Chatting with them was a nice distraction for the blister that I felt burst around mile 24. And when I would start to slow down just a bit he would yell "Pick up the pace pigtails!"

When I crossed University and entered the Will Rogers complex my adrenaline really kicked in. All of the body aches, stomach issues and doubt was gone.  There were several times throughout the day that I recited one of the 4 verses I chose for this race to myself. As I picked up my pace and approached that last turn, I just kept repeating Philippians 4:13 over and over. In the final stretch all I could see was AJ on the other side of the finish line and Kipper, Watts and Jen M on the other side of the barricade cheering like mad.

It was almost like an out of body experience. As I approached the finish line the tears kept coming and I just covered my mouth in shock. I did it! I, Allie Martin, ran a freaking marathon. I am not the same person I was at the start line that morning.  I was so excited, I didn't even really care they had run out of medals and I would have to wait nearly 3 weeks to get mine. But we did get a laminated photo of the medal and a cowbell. We kept joking that we ran a freaking marathon and we got was a stinking cowbell! lol.

That morning I asked  God to help me push through whenever I doubted myself or felt like I couldn't keep going. That help came in many forms and in ways I would have never imagined. I wasn't at my best that day, I honestly didn't feel like I deserved the finish I had. But through his grace I was able to finish strong and hopefully inspire others to have the courage to push themselves in a ways they had only dreamed of.

Both AJ and I went into this thing saying it was a one and done situation. I was never going to put myself through this emotional roller coaster again. It only took a week for me to realize that wasn't the case. I will do another marathon. A few things need to happen first (losing some weight and finding a coach because I will probably not train on my own again) but I WILL do it again. I have taken time off to decompress and now it is time to focus on more cross training and speed work. I don't do well when I don't have a tangible goal and this last month was very much proof of that. Time to start putting in the work to make my next dream come true. Half marathon PR here I come! :)

The Road to 26.2

Less than 12 hours stand between me and the start line of my first marathon.  Just typing that sentence is still crazy to me!! I am running a marathon! It was only a year ago that I was preparing to run my first half. Something that I didn't actually think I would do more than once. 5 half marathons later, here we are.  I am running a full marathon. 26.2 miles.

I still remember the day this all started. We were at the Lake Bubble and Kipper and I were getting ready to leave. I was standing on the dock, saying my good-byes when AJ told me, "You're running the full at Cowtown with me." I remember responding with something like "yea right" or "I am going to have to think about that." But somehow in the next 5 minutes she got me to say yes and never let me forget it.

I tried to back out more than once. I didn't believe in myself. I am overweight and slow. I couldn't wrap my head around taking on that distance. It flat out terrified me. On New Year's Eve in Jenny's living room I tried one last time to back out. AJ told me she would understand, but the look on her face told me a different story. I couldn't leave her hanging. Somehow, someway we would do this together. 

As I sit here tonight, I am a mixed bag of nerves and excitement. I know I am slow. I know I don't "look" like a runner. But I have put in the work and have the heart of runner.  With the incredible support of the hubs, AJ and countless others I haven't given up. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions for a few weeks, but I am ready.

Tomorrow will be one the hardest, yet most rewarding things I have ever done. It will be an experience that will change me forever. I choose 4 verses to focus on tomorrow: Isaiah 40:31, Philippians 3:13, Psalm 37:5 and Philippians 4:13. All 4 are written in my shoes and will be what I meditate on when I think don't have anything else to give.

I can never say thank you enough to those who have supported me thus far. I am blown away by how many are coming out to cheer us on along the route. Friends who I know are not fond of early mornings are getting up super early to support us in this crazy adventure. My heart is full and I am grateful.