Grateful

I am so behind on blogging. I normally have several unfinished posts going at any given time, but this year I haven't event been able to get started. It has seriously been months since I have posted on my blog.  I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that 2016 just isn't my year to be Blogger of the Year. lol.

All joking aside, so many wonderful things have happened in our lives since my last post. As we get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and friends tomorrow I want to take the time to slow down and reflect on the last few months. On top of the normal everyday joys, there have been some life changing moments and there is only one word to describe my emotions - Grateful.

In August, after 15 long and trying months, Kipper graduated from nursing school and started preparing to take the NCLEX.

We also welcomed a precious new family member when Whitley gave birth to princess River Ann.

September was huge for us.

The month started out with dear friends hosting a fundraiser to help support our adoption. Kipper and I were blown away by our friends and loved ones generosity. For so long I could never make sense on paper of how we were going to make everything work, but through our sweet friends God provided in a big way. For the first time I was able to lay my head down at night and know that we could make this all work.

Shortly after Kipper took his NCLEX, and was blessed to have two job offers through Cook Children's as long as he passed. At the end of the month we found out he passed with flying colors and starting in November he would be the newest Cook Children's NICU RN.

Come October, or Allietober as it is known in our house, things were still busy as ever. We started the month out by Kipper joining me at his first every Birthday Party Project celebration at Union Gospel Mission.

We got started on painting the nursery to prepare for our adoption home study.

Kipper ran his last call as a member of the Cook Children's Teddy Bear team.

And I celebrated my 35th birthday with my dearest friends who surprised us with the yellow crib I have been in love with for over 2 years.

We kicked November off with Kipper's first day in the NICU and his Teddy Bear family throwing him an amazing surprise party that night. Complete with his favorite cake and a generous donation to our adoption fund.

We were able to take a family girl's trip to Canton that was a blast!

We scheduled our adoption home study and got the crib set up in the nursery (thanks to Little Polley's help!) Fenway is loving all the new baby apparatuses. He thinks they are for him. lol.

I have also been spending a lot of my free time painting the other nursery furniture, with Gulliver's help. ha!

On top of all of this work has been full speed ahead as I am in one of my busiest seasons and Kipper is drinking from the fire hydrant trying to learn everything he can about his new job. My training has suffered quite a bit, but I am accepting my season and have had fun going to weekly Zumba classes with Bridge and running when I can.

Now we are frantically getting ready for our adoption home study at the beginning of December and everything that the holidays brings. Yet, even though life has seemed to move at the speed of light the last few months we have still been able to enjoy so many special moments with friends and family.

This season has been full of change, both scary and exciting. Our hearts are full and we are embracing the change. We are surrounded my a community of love who supports and lifts us up at every turn.

We are thankful. We are humbled. We are more grateful than we could ever express.

From our family to yours - Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!

Yellow Shoe Diaries: I Never Want To Forget What Today Felt Like

I never want to forget what today felt like. 

The last minute panic over what I was wearing. 

The mix of nerves and excitement as I made my way up to the start line with up AJ, Jen and Garrison.

 

The moment it hit me for the first time ever I was actually able to pace with AJ and we were running together. And taking silly selfies. 

The brief moments of doubt and the overwhelming peace that quickly followed. 

The moment I realized I was running a race far greater than I could imagined. 

The joy that seeing Kipper and Watts along the route brought me. 

And that last mile. Oh that last mile. My body ached and my emotions were high. I never want to forget that last turn to the finish. The salty tears streaming down my face and my favorite Chris Tomlin song turned up just enough so I could hear it over the crowd. 

Then crossing the same finish line where this crazy dream started. It was surreal. It was so special. It was a defining moment for me as a runner.

Being able to text Lil' Polley my results and her ecstatic response.  

Meeting Jen on the back half of the course and being able to run her across the 20 mile mark and the final bit into the park. 

Watching and cheering Jen cross the finish line of her first Full Marathon! 

And the huge smile that was apparently plastered on my face during every single phase of the day. 

No mater where my journey leads next these are moments I never want to lose sight of. Moments that were all made possible through God's love and amazing grace.  

Yellow Shoe Diaries: One Week To Go

Today was my last long run Sunday before the big day! The next week will be all about hydration, nutrition, relaxation and mental preparation. (With a big emphasis on the mental part!) This season of training has been unlike any before. I am experiencing a weird mixture of confidence and fear. I know what I am capable of. I just have to keep believing in that and stop worrying about the perfect racing conditions. 

Last year was the exact opposite of of perfect conditions and it was an incredible day.  I have learned that while the weather does affect me some, having my heart and mind in the right place is so much more important. In moments of doubt and fear God had carried me. Mental preparation for me is really spiritual preparation. I don't run for my own glory - I run for His glory. 

I just need to accept that I don't know what the outcome of my personal race will be, but I do know it will be an epic day for our little running tribe. Jen is taking on her first full marathon and I can't wait to finish my race so we can cheer her through the back half of the course.  And our newest (and youngest) recruit, Garrison, is taking in his first half. 14 years old and running a half marathon! 

Now for the next week to fly by and Mother Nature to remember to take her crazy pills just in case.

Yellow Shoe Diaries: Worst. Training. Run. Ever.

Running is a humbling sport. 

Today I had my worst long run of this year. Maybe ever. I decided to share this not for sympathy or admiration but because I often look at old running posts when I need inspiration. And I am pretty sure future Allie needs to remember today. 

Mother Nature set the stage for a great 10 miles with gorgeous weather. Seriously is was like an Spring day in late March or early April, but in January. Of course to keep things interesting Mother Nature also threw in some awesome cramps. Every step it felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach with a knife. Sometimes being a girl really sucks. 

By mile 3 I considered calling it a day because I was so off pace and hurting badly. By the time I made it to mile 7 I was still moving slower than I needed but was starting to feel a little better. That was until a group of 7-8 year old boys started "cheering" me on by chanting "Run Fatty, Run!" 

AYFKMRN?!?! 

I would be lying if I said I didn't want to flip them off or knock on their parents door. But then I started thinking how lots of kids learn their behavior from their parents and I was a little scared of what the response would be if I did knock on their door. I just kept going. I would also be lying if I said I didn't shed a tear or two over the next mile or so. I didn't cry because they hurt my feelings. I am fully aware I am a bigger girl. No one looks at me and says, "Oh that girl is totally a runner!" 
The tears that were falling were tears of pride. 

I had every reason to stay on the couch with a heating pad today, but I didn't. I had every reason to quit at mile 3 when Kipper offered to come get me if I was in too much pain, but I didn't. Today I dug deep, gave what I could and made it just over 9 miles. Today I am thankful for the reminder that in the long run of this journey, the accomplishments on my worst days are just as sweet (sometimes sweeter) than setting a PR on my best days.

Bold and Brave in 2016

I have been doing a lot of thinking on what my overall focus for myself would be for 2016. So much so that we are half way through January and I am just now ready to put this out there. Last year was all about breaking down walls and making myself uncomfortable. I still have some work to do in that area, but this year I want to build on that by being bold and brave.

You see I have always been a creative and used to think of myself as somewhat of a free spirit. The older I get the more I realize while I have been blessed with a creative mind that loves to day dream, but I am FAR from a free spirit. I tend to be practical and a worrier. I am a creature of habit. I over analyze things that really don't need that much thought. I started to realize this past year that often times my creativity and sense of adventure is muffled by my practical side. And fear.

Which brings me to the point of this post - living bold and brave in 2016! I have to stop muffling gifts God has given me because in my head things don't seem practical. Practical has become a new word for comfortable in my life. I read a blog post last year that I wish I could find because there was a paragraph that was amazing. It talked about how God doesn't call us to things that are easy or meant to be comfortable. Following His plan often means things might seem messy in our heads and won't neatly fit into our color coded planner. I am pretty sure the author was speaking directly to me.

Living bold and brave doesn't mean I am going to drop everything and run away with the circus. (although there is this awesome circus school in Dallas that looks like a blast!) Or suddenly lose all manners and tell everyone exactly what I think in that moment. Honestly I am not 100% sure what it will look like, but here is where I am starting.

1. Pray Boldly. Sometimes I find that there are things that I want to pray for but I hold back. I am not sure why, because my hesitation doesn't come from a doubt in Him. For some reason I feel more comfortable praying boldly for others situations, but not always for my own. When I do step out in faith and pray boldly the spiritual reward has been incredible. If this is something you struggle with you might be interested in this great blog post I read on Proverbs 31. It was incredibly helpful to me and said what I was feeling better than I could. 

2. Bravely Follow. In line with praying boldly, I have to be ready to bravely follow. I can recall several times in my life when God spoke to me, but I let fear hold me back. I am much better than I used to be at this but there is still so much room for growth. This means letting go of worry over what others will think. It means getting uncomfortable. It means a world of possibilities far more amazing than I could imagine. 

3. Boldly and Bravely Adventure. We aren't talking cliff diving or anything too crazy here. Last years goal of getting out of my comfort zone was really focused on my weight and working out. This year I want to keep that momentum going, but hitting all aspects of my life.  For starters I know as soon as Cowtown is over I am going to face my fear of taking my bike out on the trail. I have let the fear that has been building from my wreck keep me inside far too long. I  just want to wait till after I set a new PR at Cowtown just in case! (I told you I wasn't going to go too crazy!) Maybe I'll try a type of cuisine that I am pretty sure I will hate. Or finally put aside the fear of failure and start my Etsy shop back up. I don't quite know where this goal will take me, but I am excited to see.

Outside of these three key areas I still have other goals and areas I want to make sure I am always incorporating being bold and brave. Running, giving and saving are three that immediately come to mind.

Feel free to ask me periodically how things are going. I welcome the accountability. And if you have been feeling like you need a change - join me!!  How could stepping out of your comfort zone change you? Think about all the incredible things that could happen in 2016 if we are just bold enough to ask and brave enough to listen when He answers!

Sending Out 2015 With A Bang!

We are only a few hours away from ringing in 2016 and for the first time I don't know how many years we are sitting at home in our pajamas while our friends celebrate at G and Bo's resort, Lush, out on PK. Originally we were supposed to be on vacation but sweet Fenway's bad eye got an infection and the surgery was supposed to have this Spring got moved up to New Year's Eve!

Over the last few days as we have been home bound administering eye drops to Fenway every hour on the hour, I had a lot of time to reflect on the past year. In January I poured my heart out and I set out to make some changes. The biggest being to break down a wall and step out of my comfort zone.

365 days later I am proud of myself that even though some months were harder than others, I did what I set out to do. And I am better for it. I faced my fears of tracking my food. I learned to believe in myself when it comes to running. In turn I lost 30 pounds and set new Half, 15k, 10k and 5k PRs! I finally got a bike - Princess Sparkle Unicorn. And then crashed it into a bridge the first time I hit the trails. I was able to find a new passion in giving back through The Birthday Party Project and had a blast sharing my birthday by raising money for one of my new favorite causes!

Kipper finished his second Ironman 70.3, changed jobs at Cook and was accepted to TCC's accelerated nursing school program. Once school started our lives turned upside down for the first few months, but as expected he is doing great and is now 8 months away from graduating. Oh and in the middle of all that he had surgery to remove Hector (ended up being a cyst) from his neck.

Together we celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary. Enjoyed a few road trips and adventure days. Made some home improvements. Drank some really great and some not so great wine. And most importantly laughed.  A lot.

Oh, and after 15 years together I finally got Kipper to dress up in a couples costume with me. Although simple, this was a big deal! 

And in keeping in the spirit of stepping out of my comfort zone, Kipper and I agreed to be part of an article for 360 West Magazine about normal people who made significant lifestyle changes and stuck with them. If including how much I weighed when I ran my full marathon in my blog wasn't hard enough, it is now in print of pretty a popular local magazine. A year ago there is NO way I would have been okay with that. As scary as it was for me, I told Kipper if it inspired just one girl who was in search of a change it would be worth it. Fingers crossed that mission was accomplished. For those wanting to read the full article you can find it here.

The boys had a pretty big year too! They have found a love for dining al fresco and all the attention that comes with it. While I miss having a girl in the family, we have enjoyed all the fun outings that we could have never done with three babies. The boys were not a big fan of their Daddy going back to school because he always had a book or a laptop in his lap, but they adjusted after a few weeks. We also learned Fenway has a hereditary eye disease, which lead to his NYE surgery. The poor guy has spent at nearly 2 1/2 months of the year in the "cone of shame" but has been such a trooper.  And Gulliver has been beyond sweet. He is just ready for his playmate to be all better so he has someone to chase in the backyard. 

This year had its highs and lows, but in over all it was a pretty incredible year. We have so much to be thankful for it is hard to do it justice in one short blog, but I think this pretty much sums it up:

In 2015: We pushed and challenged ourselves. We achieved goals that before seemed impossible. We stumbled, but picked ourselves up. We experienced God moving in our lives. We laughed ourselves silly and a few times cried ourselves to sleep. (Ok that last past was mainly me) We grew as a couple, but also individually. We took risks and went on adventures. We shared moments of celebration and moments of sorrow with those we hold dear. We faced some pretty big fears and challenges, but overcame them with the love and support of family and friends. We had hard conversations and shared in authentic fellowship with friends. We learned more than one should know about the canine eyeball. We found new passions. We loved deeply and soaked up every moment - the good and the bad - this year had to offer. Even though 2015 ended on a rough patch 2016 has big shoes to fill! Bring it on 2016!

Yellow Show Diaries: Don't Worry I Know I'm Crazy

Pay no attention to the girl in the crazy pants, quietly sobbing through a good portion of her workout. No, I wasn't pushing myself too hard, but thank you for your concern random treadmill neighbor. It's been a rough day and therapy is expensive. 

Sometimes a girl just needs to cry a few tears of relief and joy because God is oh so good. And sometimes it happens while she runs. I'm an emotional runner. I can think of worse things.

Cheers to 34: Grace Wins Every Time

{Disclaimer: This post is raw.  I didn't plan on sharing this but something tugged at me to do it. So I watered it down a little and hit publish. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but I promise it has a very happy ending!} 

Thanks to Timehop and my upcoming birthday I have been walking down memory lane the last week or so. Apps like Timehop can be really awesome as it reminds you of little moments that you might of forgotten about. Yet at the same time it can be painful as it reminds of times you might like to pretend never happened. This is where my reflection started.

A very dear friend and mentor always told me I was going to love my 30's. (I'm looking at you Melanie Wilson!) She would tell me that my 30's would be the best time of my life. I thought she was crazy!

My 20's were pretty much awesome, but the closer I got to 30 the more terrified I was. So much of my life was about checking things off a list I thought had to be completed by a certain time in my life. Don't get me wrong - I was happy and loved the path I was on. Even dealing with small bouts of depression and being medicated - I honestly didn't think life could be better. But looking back I realize I also felt this nonstop self induced pressure. I lived with the fear of missing out. The fear of not living up to the standards everyone expected me to uphold, even if those standards where created in my own head. Yet in those moments I was happy because I didn't know better. I couldn't imagine being happier.  And even though I was terrified of 30, in typical Allietober fashion I was already planning in my head the amazing 80's themed 30th birthday party I would have.  

Shortly after my 29th birthday everything changed. My world was rocked with pain and loss. Without going into details, I watched my family have the wind knocked out of it and struggle to navigate the new normal. A month later I watched a family I loved and cared about start their 6th or 7th battle with cancer - a 3rd diagnoses for sweet Lauren at only 20 years old. At this point the antidepressants no longer numbed the pain. Some days just getting dressed for work was more than I wanted to deal with. The weight began to pack on and added to my misery. This has become known as my "Dark Year" and not just because I choose to show my sadness by dying my hair dark. 

When life turned upside down, the over the top party I had planned got thrown out the window.  I vividly remember getting dressed for my 30th birthday party. Nothing fit right. I felt hideous and alone. And worst of all my heart was aching as Lauren, just a few days past her 21st birthday and being declared cancer free, had be admitted with the hospital and the family was beginning to prepare for the worst. I felt guilty for being so depressed and lackluster about going to a party where friends and family were waiting to celebrate me when someone I loved and cared about was suffering. 

I look at the photos from that night I am reminded how I kept reminding myself to smile.   Over and over I told myself to "fake it till you make it" because everyone is there to have fun and no one wants to be around a broken person.

At this point I still couldn't imagine my 30's being great. I was broken. I was hurting. I felt like God had abandoned me. Over the course of the next month or so I would hit my rock bottom. I became bitter and cynical. The thought of going to church or even opening my bible made me cringe. Yet in my weakest moments I found myself asking God to show me a sign He was still there.

Then something happened. In a moment of sheer desperation to feel normal and alive again I made a bet with my husband to run a mud run. That day in the mud changed me. I specifically remember a moment on top of a wall where I was terrified to come down. Again I asked God to show me a sign He was there. Seconds later a yellow butterfly landed right next to me and it was almost as if all my fear melted away. That might sound cheesy but its the truth. Even now when I am scared or feeling alone, I think about that moment and the impact it held on me. 

The truth is God never turned His back on me, it was in fact the opposite. I was so lost in my own pain and darkness I shut Him out. Looking back I see that He was always there, I was just too blind and self consumed to see it.

I've heard it said to truly find yourself you have to hit rock bottom. And while I would never wish the "Dark Year" on anyone else, for me that was the truth. 

So in the end Melanie was right - my 30's have been so much more than my 20's ever dreamed of being. My relationship God is stronger than ever before. Those dark times turned dear friends into family. And the bond with my husband is far stronger than I realized it ever could be. Finding true joy in God's love and incredible grace is so healing. 

The crazy part of all of this is that we have gone through some really rough things the last 4 years. From infertility and health scares to financial struggles and major life changes - things that would have broken me to the core before. They still hurt and I still struggled but it is different. Being completely honest, I struggle with depression but I never feel completely helpless or alone like before. The day that happens I know it is time to revisit the idea of going back on meds.  In the last 4 years I have found myself and my purpose. I am learning to love the body I have been blessed with. While it doesn't look too hot in a bikini anymore it can do some pretty darn incredible things that size 2 Allie would have never dared to try. (I know a few of your minds just went in the gutter...I'm talking about running you crazy pants!)  I am learning to trust God's perfect plan for me.  I am learning to embrace life when it doesn't go as planned. And I choose to wake up each day and choose JOY! 

I share all of this not for sympathy or accolades, but for the girl who feels like she has hit rock bottom. For the girl who feels alone and helpless. For the girl who thinks the best is behind her. There is hope. You are loved and so much more precious than you could ever imagine. 

As I start the first day of my 34th year I want challenge each of you to choose JOY and help share a little of it every day. 

• Reach out to a friend. You never know how a simple phone call, text or unexpected happy hour could change things for them. 
• If you are struggling - don't make the same mistake I did and turn from God. He has you - just have faith.  And if you have never had a personal relationship with Him it is never too late! You have no idea the peace and joy that is waiting for you. 
• Give and keep giving. 
• Break through your comfort zone and challenge yourself to something you have only dreamed of. But remember it isn't the end goal, but the journey getting there that matters most. 

And I couldn't end this without saying thank you to each and every one of you:

• Who have never left my side
• Who support me even when you think I am completely insane
• Who encourage me to be and give more 
• Who love me unconditionally even in my darkest days
• Who bring me so much joy each and every day!! 

Cheers to 34, my friends!! The best is yet to come!! 

Here Lately - Making Peace When Things Aren't Perfect

How is it already June?!? Seriously the last 2 months are a crazy blur but here we are the first week

of June. The fact I spent the last week sick as a dog is more than likely a result of those blurry weeks and my body saying enough is enough.

When I wrote about my 100 day progress I set new goals for the next 100 days. Since I'm just over 50 days into that time frame I decided to do a little check in to hold myself accountable.

   1. Eat more protein. Some days are better than others but I still need a lot of work here. What can I say, I'm a carb loving Polish girl! My plan now is to start trying to trick my mind into thinking I am getting tons of carbs while actually getting extra protein with things like protein pancakes! 

   2. Go to bed earlier.  Let's just skip this one for now. Its an area of opportunity to say the least. 

   3. Set a new half marathon PR.  Not yet and honestly it will be a stretch. I was supposed to run a night half at the end of May. A few weeks before I started having knee pain in both knees that I had never had before. Thankfully it wasn't my knees, but in fact extremely tight quads that were pulling on my knees. Silly me thought the tightness in my quads my legs firming up. Apparently it was just my muscles turning into rocks! ha! Since my coach, husband and doctor all encouraged me to sit this race out so I didn't run. As the temps start to rise I'm not going to put the pressure on myself to PR in a June or July race. If it happens, awesome. If it doesn't, that's okay too. I can chase that goal this Fall. 

   4. Prepare more meals.  Does reheating chicken count? 

   5. Keep making myself uncomfortable.  Without a doubt this is the one area I have forced myself to stick with. From taking part in small group discussions I would have normally only listened in on to going sleeveless somewhere other than the gym. I even tired sushi! Alone none of these things are life altering but they are positive growth that I wouldn't have ever imagined a year ago. 

So there it is. Things haven't gone smoothly or at all how I had planned them. Aside from those 5 goals I have struggled with some other areas as well. I've missed entering a few snacks and probably some wine into my food log. I have missed or cut short some workouts. I'm still not a domestic goddess. Things haven't been tied up in a pretty little bow. 

Writing it all out makes the little OCD Allie in my head start to freak out a little bit. She starts telling me that I have failed but for once I know I have made some significant personal growth because I can easily tell her to shove it. I wasn't perfect. I didn't completely stick to the plan. And that's okay. 

This journey is about long term life changes. It is about balance. It is about learning to truly live in the moment. This journey isn't a fad or a chapter of my life. Those are the reminders that give me peace when that nagging little Allie starts in on me. Life is messy, but that is what makes it beautiful and exciting! 

In the last 50 days:

• I watched Kipper complete his second Half Ironman, 
• I met new friends. 
• I deepened my relationship of God. 
• I stayed out way too late with girlfriends. 
• I had incredibly meaningful and heartfelt conversations with my best girlfriends. 
• I gave back to my community.
• I shared treasured moments with family. 
• I learned new things. 
• I had adventures Princess Bryn. 
• I tried new restaurants/food. 
• I enjoyed the simple things. 
• I lost 4 more pounds. 
• I laughed till it hurt.
• I bought new running shoes. 
• I bought smaller pants. 
• I looked in the mirror at the gym and for once the voice in my head didn't get in the way - I didn't completely hate what I saw (so I took a selfie to remember the day! Exhibit A)  

• I danced myself silly. 
• I ate WAY too much sugar. 
• I ran some amazing and some not so amazing miles. 
• I celebrated people I love. 
• I cried both tears of joy and frustration. 
• I fell in love with my job, again. 
• I washed a lot of muddy paws. 
• I made some questionable fashion statements. 
• I found joy in my doodles and painting.
• I have loved deeply.
• I admitted my mistakes. 
• I didn't give up. 

In the last 50 day I truly lived my wonderfully messy life! 

One Hundred Days

Yesterday marked the one hundredth day of this chapter! 100 days of facing fears, pushing the limit on my comfort zone and truly learning to believe in myself. I figured it was the perfect time catch everyone up and reevaluate my goals moving forward.

What have I been up?

1. Tracking my food. As you all know, this was one of the toughest things for me. Tracking my food gave me such anxiety, but somehow I have survived for 100 days without missing a beat. I am talking vacation, busy weeks at work, even days I just didn't want to mess with it - I stuck to my plan! Now I would be lying if I didn't admit that there are some days that it still gives me a little anxiety, especially when I don't have control over what is being served. Yet it isn't nearly as scary as I built it up to be and it is so nice to be able to look at my daily intake with a healthy mindset. 

2. Breaking habits.  I wanted everything I was doing to be a lifestyle change, not just a phase. In order for that to happen I had to break some bad habits. First and foremost the one I am most proud of is my breakup with Diet Dr. Pepper! I gave up regular Dr. Pepper about 5 years ago but was addicted to Diet Dr. Pepper in a bad way. Before I came to work at Pier 1 Imports I would drink at least 1 Route 44 Diet Dr. Pepper a day!! I had finally gotten myself down to one can a day by the end of last year but anytime I tried to go more than a day I would get a terrible headache.  After fighting through that I was able to get down to a half a can a day and then just a can every few days. I am now to the point that I am fine without them. That doesn't mean I won't ever drink another soft drink in my life but I certainly don't depend on them or crave them anymore. 

3. Setting new records. This has honestly been the most exciting part to me. In the last 100 days I have pushed myself harder than I ever thought I could go as a runner. I never thought I would get much faster. When I hired a coach I had a goal but I wasn't sure it was possible in the short time frame I had give myself, especially coming off an injury. Yet somewhere along the way it all clicked (get the full story here) and I have cut nearly 3 minutes off what I used to consider my normal pace. Before my goal was always just to finish because setting anything more aggressive made me feel like I was setting myself up for failure. Don't get me wrong - there will still be plenty of races where the only goal is to have fun and finish. As proud as I am of my the PR's I have sent in the last 2 1/2 months, I am ready to crush them with a new PR! 

4. Victories on and off the scale. While it was very important to me that this NOT only be about a number on a scale, losing weight was part of the goal. Since I have been tracking my food and increased my calories I have lost 25 pounds and nearly 2 pant sizes! What is even more exciting to me though is how my body is changing. I feel stronger than I ever have. When I look in the mirror in my mind I don't look like I have lost 25 pounds, but I love the changes I am seeing. And even more so I love how I feel! 

5. Finding balance. Balance is something that I have been working on for a year or so. Learning to say no and basically stopping the glorification of "busy." Even though I have been running for almost 4 years now I have never been good at balancing working out when life gets in the way. I would either ignore training or just be totally anti-social.  I'm still a work in progress here but I am proud of myself for maintaining some sort of balance between training, work, family, friends and social engagements. So far April has proved to be the biggest challenge. If I can keep some sort of balance the rest of this month I will consider that one for the win column. 

What's in store for the next 100 days? 

1. Eat more protein. Now that I have gotten the hang of tracking my food and eating enough calories I really want to start focusing on increasing my protein intake. 

2. Go to bed earlier.  I'm a night owl, always have been. The last few months I have worked on making myself go to bed earlier, but not consistently. 

3. Set a new half marathon PR.  I have a goal I want to reach by the end May - a 2:45 finish. That would be cutting nearly 14 minutes off my time so I know it will be a stretch in this short of time. Although I keep surprising myself so I know anything is possible. 

4. Prepare more meals.  Kipper is the chef in our family and too often I rely on him to cook my meals. With his work and training schedule it is sometimes hard for him to make that happen. I want make more of an effort to learn how to cook meals that I enjoy so that I can do all of my meal prep myself. 

5. Keep making myself uncomfortable. Either big or small, I don't want to settle. I am challenging myself to do at least one thing outside of my comfort zone each week. 

So what are you going to do with your next 100 days?? 

Goodbye Comfort Zone: 1 Month Later

When I wrote New Year, New Me?!?! and laid it all out there, I was terrified. Yet the fact that I did put everything out there has sort of helped motivate and ground me a bit. It has been just over a month since since I started facing my fears, forcing myself out of my comfort zone and making some big changes in my life. And man have there been some changes. 

1. Tracking my food. This was, I think, one of the biggest fears I have had to face. To date I have tracked every bite that has entered by mouth for the last 32 days in My Fitness Pal. This is a record for me. Even when I did Weight Watchers several years ago I always took a day (sometimes more) off each week where I didn't track. And you know what? It hasn't been that bad. I tend to eat a lot of the same things during the week so that makes it easy. Eating out still stresses me a little bit so I try to look at the menu ahead of time and pre-plan. This helps me from panicking and it makes sure I don't 30 minutes trying to figure out what I want to eat. Still working on my anxiety there.  Now when I say it hasn't been that bad, I would be lying if I didn't admit that there have been a few low moments. Thankfully most of them have just been panic over what to order at a non-chain restaurant where I can find no nutrition info online. The lowest moment - and it was LOW -  I hurled a half eaten sandwich across the kitchen.  Then cried because I didn't know how many calories I should enter for the little bit I had eaten. (I'm claiming PMS. Just go with it.) Thankfully after the fact both Kipper and I were able to laugh at how ridiculous it was because at the moment neither of us were laughing. 

2. Eating enough. I mentioned before that Kipper thought I wasn't eating enough. Through tracking my calories it became clear that on days I worked out I wasn't getting close to enough calories in. One week I had a 5,000 calorie deficit. Two weeks ago I finally went and had a Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) test done.  The test gives you some fascinating results and information. The biggest for me was that for my age, weight and sex I actually have a very fast metabolism. And shocker, I wasn't eating enough! To lose weight I should be eating between 2000-2400 calories a day!! Panic set in when I started to apply this information, but I have stuck with it. Some days I feel like I have had to force myself to eat a snack to get to the right calorie point by mid-day. With that said my body is adjusting and now reminds me when I miss my mid-morning snack. If you are trying to lose weight and feel stuck, I highly suggest you have a RMR test done.  

3. Hiring a coach. When Kipper started training for his Ironman 70.3 he hired a coach. He has been dropping hints for sometime that we should look into a coach for me. And while I agreed I would do that if I ever did another full marathon, I wasn't interested in taking on an additional monthly cost that comes with hiring a coach until then. After a little coaxing I agreed to meet with Monica, one of the coaches at Trident. A week later I was an official member of Trident and was getting planned workouts. When I got my first week's schedule I panicked a bit. I sent Kipper a text, simply saying  "Shit just got real!!" His response? "Welcome to Trident!" Fast forward three weeks and I am thankful I took the plunge. I can already tell a difference in my running. Plus the accountability to my coach (and my checkbook) has been huge. Kipper played his cards really well in getting me here. He knows I am cheap and a people pleaser. Therefore he knew if I did this it would be a potential game changer for me. Well played Mr. Martin, well played.

4. Seeing results.  To make things more exciting I am seeing results. I can already tell a difference in so many ways: my running times/recovery, the way my clothes (and shoes!) fit, the way I feel and even on the scale. While I am trying to not focus on the scale, learning be healthy about the number it shows is a huge part of this journey. The first two weeks I lost a few pounds but nothing significant, but in the two weeks following my RMR test I have lost nearly 9 pounds! (see why I said you need to do it!!!) I am down a total of 13 pounds in the last month but most of all I feel great. Including my bum ankle, which is awesome! I have my first race of 2015 this weekend - Hot Chocolate 15k. While I am not pumped about driving to Dallas early on a Saturday morning, I am super excited to see how it goes. Good or bad there will be chocolate and that is enough for me. 

4. The downfall.  If you know me, you know I am NOT a domestic goddess when it comes to laundry and dishes. Mr. Martin on the other hand is a tad OCD about them. The amount of water bottles and work out clothes that I washed leading up to Kipper's first Ironman 70.3 nearly drove me to the nut house. Well he is training for another 70.3 and add in my workout gear, water bottles and containers from meal prep you can only imagine. I have officially come to terms with the fact we will never be caught up and he will always OCD over the unwashed/unfolded/un put away workout clothes and water bottles. If that is the biggest downfall I can totally live with that! 

Moving forward I know that there will plateaus and rough patches, maybe even setbacks. You don't overcome years of unhealthy thinking and habits in a single month. But I am going to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone and digging deep to prove to myself just how crazy that old me really was. 

In the coming months I want to challenge you. Pick something in your life that you want to work on or try. Pick something that scares the crap out of you. Maybe something you have dreamed about but have put off more times that you can recall. Then make a promise to yourself to start facing your fears and see what happens. Find a friend or a mentor who can support you and hold you accountable. Be open with others about your goals. And take it one step at a time. I am not saying it won't be scary. It will be hard and at times uncomfortable. After the last 3 years what I can say without a doubt is if you commit to yourself, it will be is amazing and life changing.