Sending Out 2015 With A Bang!

We are only a few hours away from ringing in 2016 and for the first time I don't know how many years we are sitting at home in our pajamas while our friends celebrate at G and Bo's resort, Lush, out on PK. Originally we were supposed to be on vacation but sweet Fenway's bad eye got an infection and the surgery was supposed to have this Spring got moved up to New Year's Eve!

Over the last few days as we have been home bound administering eye drops to Fenway every hour on the hour, I had a lot of time to reflect on the past year. In January I poured my heart out and I set out to make some changes. The biggest being to break down a wall and step out of my comfort zone.

365 days later I am proud of myself that even though some months were harder than others, I did what I set out to do. And I am better for it. I faced my fears of tracking my food. I learned to believe in myself when it comes to running. In turn I lost 30 pounds and set new Half, 15k, 10k and 5k PRs! I finally got a bike - Princess Sparkle Unicorn. And then crashed it into a bridge the first time I hit the trails. I was able to find a new passion in giving back through The Birthday Party Project and had a blast sharing my birthday by raising money for one of my new favorite causes!

Kipper finished his second Ironman 70.3, changed jobs at Cook and was accepted to TCC's accelerated nursing school program. Once school started our lives turned upside down for the first few months, but as expected he is doing great and is now 8 months away from graduating. Oh and in the middle of all that he had surgery to remove Hector (ended up being a cyst) from his neck.

Together we celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary. Enjoyed a few road trips and adventure days. Made some home improvements. Drank some really great and some not so great wine. And most importantly laughed.  A lot.

Oh, and after 15 years together I finally got Kipper to dress up in a couples costume with me. Although simple, this was a big deal! 

And in keeping in the spirit of stepping out of my comfort zone, Kipper and I agreed to be part of an article for 360 West Magazine about normal people who made significant lifestyle changes and stuck with them. If including how much I weighed when I ran my full marathon in my blog wasn't hard enough, it is now in print of pretty a popular local magazine. A year ago there is NO way I would have been okay with that. As scary as it was for me, I told Kipper if it inspired just one girl who was in search of a change it would be worth it. Fingers crossed that mission was accomplished. For those wanting to read the full article you can find it here.

The boys had a pretty big year too! They have found a love for dining al fresco and all the attention that comes with it. While I miss having a girl in the family, we have enjoyed all the fun outings that we could have never done with three babies. The boys were not a big fan of their Daddy going back to school because he always had a book or a laptop in his lap, but they adjusted after a few weeks. We also learned Fenway has a hereditary eye disease, which lead to his NYE surgery. The poor guy has spent at nearly 2 1/2 months of the year in the "cone of shame" but has been such a trooper.  And Gulliver has been beyond sweet. He is just ready for his playmate to be all better so he has someone to chase in the backyard. 

This year had its highs and lows, but in over all it was a pretty incredible year. We have so much to be thankful for it is hard to do it justice in one short blog, but I think this pretty much sums it up:

In 2015: We pushed and challenged ourselves. We achieved goals that before seemed impossible. We stumbled, but picked ourselves up. We experienced God moving in our lives. We laughed ourselves silly and a few times cried ourselves to sleep. (Ok that last past was mainly me) We grew as a couple, but also individually. We took risks and went on adventures. We shared moments of celebration and moments of sorrow with those we hold dear. We faced some pretty big fears and challenges, but overcame them with the love and support of family and friends. We had hard conversations and shared in authentic fellowship with friends. We learned more than one should know about the canine eyeball. We found new passions. We loved deeply and soaked up every moment - the good and the bad - this year had to offer. Even though 2015 ended on a rough patch 2016 has big shoes to fill! Bring it on 2016!

Yellow Show Diaries: Don't Worry I Know I'm Crazy

Pay no attention to the girl in the crazy pants, quietly sobbing through a good portion of her workout. No, I wasn't pushing myself too hard, but thank you for your concern random treadmill neighbor. It's been a rough day and therapy is expensive. 

Sometimes a girl just needs to cry a few tears of relief and joy because God is oh so good. And sometimes it happens while she runs. I'm an emotional runner. I can think of worse things.

Merry Christmas From The Martins!

If you normally get a Christmas card from us and didn't this year - don't fret - you didn't get cut out. We have been so busy living our crazy "new normal" that I never actually got around to ordering cards. Just think of it as us helping the environment or something.

Seriously though, from our family to yours - have a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years! 

Weeks 8 - 13 Unicorn of the Week and Mini Recap

It is official - I am a terrible Fantasy Football blogger. The fall is just so busy for me in all aspects of my life and I just feel really behind. Next year I will be more realistic and better prepared because I did have a lot of fun with this!

After a little rough patch the last part of the "season" before playoffs was really great for me winning all but 1 game! Go Sports, Go! :)  Without further delay here are the Unicorns of the Week(s) for Weeks 8-13!

Week 8 was a close one but Justin Tucker really kicked it out of the park with 20 points! Hahaha! Get it? Kicked it out of the park! Because he is the kicker.... Look at me making bad football jokes!

Week 9 was the first and only tie of the season. Both Brees and Brown have been awesome for Team Sports, Go Sports and have held the honor of Unicorn of the Week more than once. 

Week 10 was the only loss in the second half of the season. It was just kind of a crappy week for my entire team except Antonio Brown. 

Week 11 was another one for the win column, but it was actually a crappy week score wise. I just got lucky that I was playing someone who ended with several negative numbers on the score board. That said I was super excited the Unicorn of the Week was finally my D/ST because I have wanted to put a horn on a team mascot all season! 

Week 12 was a crazy week. Half my team had a terrible week and the other half had a great one! I really thought the Panthers D/ST was going to pull out a second win, but at the last minute Brandon Marshall slide right in by 1 point to capture his second Unicorn of the Week win this season! 

Week 13 brought a third win for Antonio Brown and an awesome win for team Sports, Go Sports! I was playing team Witten Up For Bad Behavior who had been in first place and I didn't think there was a chance in hell that I would win. Then Antonio Brown went nuts and secured a win on the final week of the regular Fantasy Football season! 

After a pretty great first Fantasy Football season I made it to the playoffs! Woohoo! I know the chances of winning are so slim I can't even seem them, but that is okay. It was my first year. I really had no clue what I was doing. Seriously I could have named maybe 5 football players before this started. Excited to see where I end after the playoffs and will be ready to dominate next year!! :) 

Week 7 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

Well once again - Kipper was right. Arian Foster paid off and is the Unicorn of the Week for the second week in a row!

Then he hurt himself again. Now he is out for the season. Sigh.

This week Team Sports Go, Sports was back in business racking up 110 points. Of course we had to play against a high scoring opponent who beat us with 131. This loss stung more than any other one. You see, Kipper drafted Lamar Miller for me and I was very loyal to him for the first 6 weeks.

Week after week he brought in less than half of his projected score so I finally dropped him. Then Amy Watts picked him up and he freaking scored 35 points!! 35 points people. If I would have kept him I would have won week 7 with flying colors. Sigh.

At least we are still holding strong to 4th place and still on target for the playoffs.

Cheers to 34: Grace Wins Every Time

{Disclaimer: This post is raw.  I didn't plan on sharing this but something tugged at me to do it. So I watered it down a little and hit publish. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but I promise it has a very happy ending!} 

Thanks to Timehop and my upcoming birthday I have been walking down memory lane the last week or so. Apps like Timehop can be really awesome as it reminds you of little moments that you might of forgotten about. Yet at the same time it can be painful as it reminds of times you might like to pretend never happened. This is where my reflection started.

A very dear friend and mentor always told me I was going to love my 30's. (I'm looking at you Melanie Wilson!) She would tell me that my 30's would be the best time of my life. I thought she was crazy!

My 20's were pretty much awesome, but the closer I got to 30 the more terrified I was. So much of my life was about checking things off a list I thought had to be completed by a certain time in my life. Don't get me wrong - I was happy and loved the path I was on. Even dealing with small bouts of depression and being medicated - I honestly didn't think life could be better. But looking back I realize I also felt this nonstop self induced pressure. I lived with the fear of missing out. The fear of not living up to the standards everyone expected me to uphold, even if those standards where created in my own head. Yet in those moments I was happy because I didn't know better. I couldn't imagine being happier.  And even though I was terrified of 30, in typical Allietober fashion I was already planning in my head the amazing 80's themed 30th birthday party I would have.  

Shortly after my 29th birthday everything changed. My world was rocked with pain and loss. Without going into details, I watched my family have the wind knocked out of it and struggle to navigate the new normal. A month later I watched a family I loved and cared about start their 6th or 7th battle with cancer - a 3rd diagnoses for sweet Lauren at only 20 years old. At this point the antidepressants no longer numbed the pain. Some days just getting dressed for work was more than I wanted to deal with. The weight began to pack on and added to my misery. This has become known as my "Dark Year" and not just because I choose to show my sadness by dying my hair dark. 

When life turned upside down, the over the top party I had planned got thrown out the window.  I vividly remember getting dressed for my 30th birthday party. Nothing fit right. I felt hideous and alone. And worst of all my heart was aching as Lauren, just a few days past her 21st birthday and being declared cancer free, had be admitted with the hospital and the family was beginning to prepare for the worst. I felt guilty for being so depressed and lackluster about going to a party where friends and family were waiting to celebrate me when someone I loved and cared about was suffering. 

I look at the photos from that night I am reminded how I kept reminding myself to smile.   Over and over I told myself to "fake it till you make it" because everyone is there to have fun and no one wants to be around a broken person.

At this point I still couldn't imagine my 30's being great. I was broken. I was hurting. I felt like God had abandoned me. Over the course of the next month or so I would hit my rock bottom. I became bitter and cynical. The thought of going to church or even opening my bible made me cringe. Yet in my weakest moments I found myself asking God to show me a sign He was still there.

Then something happened. In a moment of sheer desperation to feel normal and alive again I made a bet with my husband to run a mud run. That day in the mud changed me. I specifically remember a moment on top of a wall where I was terrified to come down. Again I asked God to show me a sign He was there. Seconds later a yellow butterfly landed right next to me and it was almost as if all my fear melted away. That might sound cheesy but its the truth. Even now when I am scared or feeling alone, I think about that moment and the impact it held on me. 

The truth is God never turned His back on me, it was in fact the opposite. I was so lost in my own pain and darkness I shut Him out. Looking back I see that He was always there, I was just too blind and self consumed to see it.

I've heard it said to truly find yourself you have to hit rock bottom. And while I would never wish the "Dark Year" on anyone else, for me that was the truth. 

So in the end Melanie was right - my 30's have been so much more than my 20's ever dreamed of being. My relationship God is stronger than ever before. Those dark times turned dear friends into family. And the bond with my husband is far stronger than I realized it ever could be. Finding true joy in God's love and incredible grace is so healing. 

The crazy part of all of this is that we have gone through some really rough things the last 4 years. From infertility and health scares to financial struggles and major life changes - things that would have broken me to the core before. They still hurt and I still struggled but it is different. Being completely honest, I struggle with depression but I never feel completely helpless or alone like before. The day that happens I know it is time to revisit the idea of going back on meds.  In the last 4 years I have found myself and my purpose. I am learning to love the body I have been blessed with. While it doesn't look too hot in a bikini anymore it can do some pretty darn incredible things that size 2 Allie would have never dared to try. (I know a few of your minds just went in the gutter...I'm talking about running you crazy pants!)  I am learning to trust God's perfect plan for me.  I am learning to embrace life when it doesn't go as planned. And I choose to wake up each day and choose JOY! 

I share all of this not for sympathy or accolades, but for the girl who feels like she has hit rock bottom. For the girl who feels alone and helpless. For the girl who thinks the best is behind her. There is hope. You are loved and so much more precious than you could ever imagine. 

As I start the first day of my 34th year I want challenge each of you to choose JOY and help share a little of it every day. 

• Reach out to a friend. You never know how a simple phone call, text or unexpected happy hour could change things for them. 
• If you are struggling - don't make the same mistake I did and turn from God. He has you - just have faith.  And if you have never had a personal relationship with Him it is never too late! You have no idea the peace and joy that is waiting for you. 
• Give and keep giving. 
• Break through your comfort zone and challenge yourself to something you have only dreamed of. But remember it isn't the end goal, but the journey getting there that matters most. 

And I couldn't end this without saying thank you to each and every one of you:

• Who have never left my side
• Who support me even when you think I am completely insane
• Who encourage me to be and give more 
• Who love me unconditionally even in my darkest days
• Who bring me so much joy each and every day!! 

Cheers to 34, my friends!! The best is yet to come!! 

Week 6 - Unicorn of the Week and Recap

Kipper drafted Arian Foster and told me once he came back from being injured he would pay off in a big way. Well my friends I have been waiting and waiting and finally in Week 6 he showed up. I wish I could say the same thing for the majority of Team Sports, Go Sports. 

Another loss, worse than the week before. But I'm still hanging on to 4th place and projected for playoffs. Hoping for a better Week 7 and for life to slow down so that I can have the time to write a proper recap!