Waiting During Christmas

{Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask you to stay. Close by me forever, and love me, I pray. Bless all the dear children in your tender care, And fit us for heaven, to live with you there.} 

As I sat in the nursery re-reading part of The Purpose of Christmas, the last verse of Away in a Manger popped into my head. As joyous and magical as this Christmas season has been, it is evident to both Kipper and I that a piece of the puzzle is missing. 

It is sometimes hard not to allow those moments of longing not to steal our joy. But in those moments when I quiet my mind and let God speak to my heart, I have so much peace. Peace that He is guiding each step of this adoption journey and that each experience is important for what is to come. 

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I pray for all the young pregnant women who are scared, overwhelmed and facing one the greatest decisions of their lives. I pray that they can quiet their mind and let God speak to their hearts. And I pray that when God does speak to them they experience strength and peace (much like Mary) to follow through on the plans He has for them.

All I Want For Christmas - Guest Post From Kipper

Because today his words are far better than mine I had to share these words from my sweet husband. 

I have not wanted for anything in a very long time. My wife and I are exceptionally fortunate to live in a safe environment with reliable transportation and fantastic careers. We do not think in terms of what we want as much as what God wants and try to make those two things line up. 

This year, however, all I truly want for Christmas is a child. I know that for many of you, children are a given and on some days a pain in the rear end you wish you could take a break from. I hope that some day I will want to take a break from the little pain in the tail too. 

Allie and I have said and maintain that God will bring us the right baby in His time. Patience is a virtue I have lacked most of my life and I am finding patience even more elusive now. While we appreciate all of the prayers and support we have received, we ask for you to pray for all of the lonely and scared expecting mothers who have no idea what the right decision is or how they will raise a child. 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone.

Prayers for My Heart

From the moment we started telling people about our plans to adopt we have felt loved and supported. And while it is sometimes easy to get caught up in the fun details and daydreaming of the future, we knew going into this journey that it wasn't for the faint at heart. This journey would test our faith in ways it has never been tested before. 

For several months I have asked for friends to join us in praying for our future birth mother and I am thankful for those prayer warriors who faithfully stand by our sides as we continue to pray for her. 

Tonight I have a different prayer request, one for me and my heart.

Over the last few days I have learned that as much as I thought I had prepared my heart for how emotional this would be, there is no way to fully prepare yourself for the twists and turns that take us by surprise. I am learning that guarding your heart in this process is easier said than done. And when I have been so focused on prayer for our future birth mother, I might have underestimated the spiritual support I would need. Tonight I am overwhelmed and confused, praying for the peace I felt just a few days ago. Praying that I can get out of my own way and let God's plan for our family be done. 

The Ellipsis

Finally got our 2016 family ornament today. Every few years the person personalizing our ornament will do something odd like make our last name possessive.

This year it was the ellipsis. But in a weird way we kind of like it.

There is a part of us that is missing. And while that probably won't change in 2016, we are praying harder than ever before that 2017 is the year we get to add a new name to our ornament.

We'll Eat You Up, We Love You So!

{Oh, please don't go - we'll eat you up - we love you so!} 

A few years back, we found this adorable little book shop down in the Pearl Brewery area of San Antonio. I loved it because it reminded me of the little local book stores of my childhood. 

A few weeks ago, to celebrate taking the next steps on our adoption journey, we bought Baby Martin their first book "A Family Begins With A Wish". I always wondered what the first book we purchased would be and as the tears ran down my cheeks in Target the night I saw  "A Family Begins With A Wish" I knew the answer. 

Well today we returned to that adorable book shop down in the Pearl Brewery area of San Antonio and bought Baby Martin their own copy of one of my very favorite childhood books "Where The Wild Things Are". 

I can't wait to sit down and pen a letter to them in the front cover when we get back home. 

Dear Future Birth Mother: The Nursery

Dear Future Birth Mother ~ 

For just over 11 years this room was known as "our future babies room" and it just sat waiting. For the last 6 years the sight of this room, empty and still waiting, broke my heart in ways I can't put into words. Yet in the last 2 months it has become my favorite room in the house. 

Because of you, my heart no longer breaks when look down the hall. Because of you, we aregoing to finally fill this room with the love, laughter and sleepless nights that it has longed for. The sense of peace God gives me when I pray for you is unexplainable. 

Tonight as I sit here, I pray He is giving you those same moments of unexplainable peace. Peace to know you are making the right decision. Peace to know there is a family in Fort Worth, Texas that He has created specifically to raise your precious child. And peace to know that child will never go a day without knowing how incredible and brave you were. 

Until our paths cross, 
Allie