Out of the Mouths of Babes

Standing in the living room, talking to Mr. Martin, I could hear Bryn singing something in the other room. I quietly walked back to the nursery and found her singing nursery rhymes from a book my momma got the girls for Easter. Moments later she looked up and said "I'm practicing for when I help watch Parker and Peyton!"

The love she already has for the girls melts my heart. How she has been so open and candid trying to understand adoption has been amazing. And her love and concern for their first mom and her feelings is incredible. I love experiencing this journey through the eyes of a 6 year old. It is also a little scary, because in the moments when anxiety is high and allow my joy to be stolen - I start to panic. What if our precious expectant momma changes her mind? While my heart will be shattered in a million pieces, how do we tell Bryn?

As amazing as it has been to experience the joys of this journey through her eyes, I'm not sure my heart could ever be prepared for the heartbreak that could be. But then I think back to a conversation we had in the car a few weeks back about the girls "tummy mommy" and I smile. That day she asked hard questions and I answered. Including talking about that she could change her mind. She commented that it would be so sad for all of us, but that their tummy mommy wouldn't have to be sad anymore. Sometimes I think we take for granted how much kiddos just get things. Even really hard, complex things. And while I hope and pray that our journey plays out as planned, I am comforted by the candid and heartfelt words of my little unicorn princess, partner in crime!

Be Still and Know

We are over half way through April and the days are ticking by so slowly. We are taking advantage of spontaneous weekday date nights. Letting the boys live it up as rulers of the roost. I have re-organized the closet and drawers in the nursery more times than I can count. And every night I find myself counting onesies, blankets and burp clothes to make sure we have enough. Basically we (okay mostly me) struggle at the being still part. But as the wait continues on our faith is in Him.

We Love You Right Up to the Moon and Back

Tonight we learned that baby A  is 4lbs 3oz and baby B  is 4lbs 7oz! God is oh so good!  The girls are growing so big and strong!

Please continue to join us in praying for their mom. The count down is on for their debut and the moment she commits the most selfless act of love imaginable. Although I can never fathom the emotions she is and will go through, I am praying she feels the prayers and love of our village.

As we have said from day one, nothing is final with adoption till it is final. So if you catch me spontaneously crying (or eating ice cream for lunch) over the coming days. Please don't judge. My heart is in a constant state of joy, while breaking in a million pieces all at the same time. It is the strangest experience. But no matter what - our world is about to turn upside down very soon.

Waiting Continues

{Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalms 27:14}

There is that word again - wait. There has been so much waiting in our journey and I am realizing the last bit of waiting is going to prove to be the hardest of all. But tonight as a stare into the nursery I am brought to tears. Extremely happy and thankful tears. It is amazing to me how over the last 9 months a room that used to bring me so much pain has become a place of hope and love.

In these final days/weeks of waiting we are reminded more and more that we have no idea how this story will end. That is terrifying. But we are also reminded that God is in control and that He has brought us to this point of our journey for a reason. We aren't the same people we were 7 years ago. We aren't the same people we were 7 months ago.

Tonight I am so thankful for the work God has done on our hearts to prepare us for these moments. Adoption is amazing and beautiful, but it is also messy and hard. Allie and Kipper of 7 years ago couldn't have walked this path. Our hearts, and truth be told, our faith weren't ready. As hard as all the waiting and roadblocks have been, tonight I am incredibly thankful for it all. Someday, God willing, I hope to be able to tell the girls the story of their adoption. How God tested and strengthened our faith. How our village stood up and said "You aren't doing this alone!" And how every obstacle life has thrown our way on this journey strengthened our marriage and prepared our hearts for the moment they came into our lives.

But for now, we patiently wait.