Monday, May 14, 2012

Allie Facts: Learning To Ride Edition

Yesterday afternoon Kipper and I planned on going out somewhere so he could teach me how to use my freaking bike. (I almost died 6 times the first time I rode it. Like for real 6 times, this is not just Allie being dramatic people!)

Since we needed to take his mom to Grapevine to his Aunt and Uncle's house, we loaded up the bikes (which is like a journey in itself) and decided we would try out the trails around Lake Grapevine.

- No matter how many times Kipper tells me my bike seat and handle bars are in "perfect riding position" I still think it would be better if my handle bars were higher.

- It really bothers me that my riding attire sort of clashes with my bike.

- Of course I have a hair bow to match my riding shirt. Hello, I want to make sure people know I am a girl under that helmet!

- Not really sure why the above statement was such a shock to my hubby.

- When Kipper gets into his zone before riding (I now refer to this as "Lance Mode") it is way worse than his pre-running zone and I sort of want to bite him. 

- I don't bite him in fear of him biting me back.

- Just so you all know, I don't make a habit of biting people (or anything that isn't food or a package I am opening with my teeth) But ever since I was little when I would get made I always have the urge to bite verse hit. Apparently the lesson of "Hands aren't for hitting, but for hugging" really stuck with me. 

- My bike pedals on the other hand did not learn this lesson. They like to bite your ankles and calves. 

- When riding with Kipper, never assume you are going for a nice, pleasurably ride to learn how to use the gears on your bike. If you do think this, you will be wrong. 

- I found myself thinking that if Kipper would have just bought me a pink bike with fenders this would be SO much easier. You know cause pink bikes with fenders are magical. 

- Yea, pink bikes with fenders aren't really magical like Harry Potter magical. But I would look so adorable riding it that I am convinced that it would help me forget how hard the ride was and how much I am going to hurt when I get off the bike and that is a special kind of Allie magic my friends.
- It really sucks when old guys who have been getting their senior discount at IHOP for 20+ years fly by you no effort at all. 

- I am terrified of falling off my bike. Like more terrified than I was when I was little learning to ride my bike with out training wheels in my Dorothy costume. (yes, I wore my Dorothy dress to ride my bike. This shouldn't surprise anyone but I do have photographic proof! ----->)

- I am very picky about water. Some water just taste funny. Never again will I drink from Kipper's CamelBak without making sure I am the one who puts the water in. Apparently he thought leaving water in there over a week wouldn't affect the taste. He was wrong and for a moment I thought he was trying to poison me. 

- While riding, I realized that if Kipper wanted to ever kill me, biking riding might be a good method. 

- I hurt in places and ways they I am pretty sure God has reserved for childbirth. 

- I think all of you who keep telling me "Keep riding, it will get easier" are big fat liars and must not have any feeling in your lower regions.

- And just when I want to give up and admit I just want to be Mary freaking Poppins riding in the park (if you are confused or are not laughing at this statement read this!)that crazy competitive girl starts to come out and I want to prove to everyone (including my vajayjay) that there is nothing to this riding thing. 

- I know without a doubt that once I rhinestone my helmet, riding is going be so much easier cause rhinestones make EVERYTHING better!

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