I have an extremely busy and stressful 6 weeks ahead of me at work. That combined with everything going on in my personal life has been wearing on me for a while. Today I hit a breaking point.
Frequently when I am stressed or upset I turn to singing. It isn't unusual for me to belt out my favorite tunes as I drive to work in order to clam my nerves or help me get into a zone for the day. I guess it goes back to when I first started singing and I was struggling with parts of a song. One day Momma told me to pour my emotion about a certain situation into my singing and pretend that it was the only way I could express my feelings about it. As crazy as I thought she was....it worked and from that point on when I am upset/nervous/scared etc I sing.
This morning I woke up on edge. Kipper had another interview with Cook Children's yesterday and the wait to hear if he got the job is so stressful since it feels like his layoff date is speeding at us. And to top it off, I knew I had a looming to do list waiting for me at the office. I started singing one of my favorite Broadway tunes but it just wasn't working for me today. I needed something inspiring. There is a Martina McBride song, that my dear friend Cristie Kibler sings that always does the trick. But for the life of me this morning I couldn't remember the name of it or the words. I could hear it playing in my head but the words wouldn't come.
At this point I was half way to the office and just plain frustrated that I couldn't remember the song. In a huff I turned on the radio and there it was. Blaring from the speakers was the beginning of the song I needed to hear/sing - Martina McBride's Anyway. Somebody up there was watching over me this morning. And as silly as this all seems, it was just what I needed to take on my day.
Fast forward to this evening. I spent most of the evening working on something for work. When I finally finished up around 11:30 I was exhausted beyond belief. As I tried to lay down and sleep, I couldn't quite my mind of all the things I have ahead of me, emotions I am feeling etc. The floodgate of tears opened up. Poor Kipper has to be up at 4am so the last thing I wanted to do was wake him up (which I did) With my mind still spinning, I got up to let Gulliver out to potty.
While he played in the yard and did his thing, I checked on the peppers and then plopped down on the lounger to enjoy the great weather. I sat there and watch little Gulliver run laps around our yard with his bone. And suddenly my mind was quite for a moment. I was able to just sit and enjoy watching Gulliver be is silly Puppynami self. Again, as small as it seems someone was watching over me when they put this little guy in our lives. I wasn't sure I wanted to get a 3rd baby, but our lives feel so much more complete with him and he brings me so much joy.
After about 15 min Dutchess came out to join us. Gulliver was laying in the yard, chewing on a bone and Dutchess came and sat right next to me so I could scratch her head (like she always does) As we sat in the quite of the night (errr I guess really early morning) everything started to flood back into my mind and the tears started to flow again. Dutchess didn't leave my side, she simply just nudged me as if to tell me it was going to be okay. We have always called Dutchess, Nurse Bull, because anytime I am sick, upset etc she will stay glued to my side. Tonight was no exception.
Most everyone knows that Dutchess was an engagement present to me from Kipper. From the moment I picked her up from the kennel at Petsmart we have had a special connection, that has only grown stronger over the last 10 years. I honestly wonder if little Dutchess Bull knows how much she has changed my life, how many times she been there to console me when talking to someone else was more than I could handle? As silly as it may sound to some, Dutchess is one of my very best friends. She knows more about me than probably anyone (except God) because she gets to hear my raw ramblings when I am upset/scared. I truly believe I was being watched over from above as the series of events that placed her in our lives unfolded.
As I write this I am beginning to think of all people who are there in my life. I am so blessed that God has placed all these amazing people in my life to be there to help watch over me when I need it most. I think that is something I have taken for granted in the past and today has been a glaring reminder of how blessed I really am!