Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Blame It On The Bath Salts

Are you every in the middle of a conversation with someone and you have to stop and think "Are we really talking about this?"  Or even worse you have a really long detailed conversation with someone and afterward  are slightly freaked out you even had it? Welcome to the Martin Household. We have these conversations all the time. 

Just the other night Kipper and I wear sitting around talking as we waited on our dinner to be delivered. We were talking about this crazy zombie like, cannibal behavior that seems to be consuming the news the last week thanks whatever the heck "bath salts" really is. (This conversation is totally paraphrased but you can get the general idea.)

      Me: This is the problem with using drugs. When you murder someone you aren't with it enough to think everything through and that is how people get caught.

     Kipper:  okay.....

     Me: Really, if I wanted to murder someone I think I could totally get away with it. 

     Kipper:  (stares at me

     Me:  I have seen so many episodes of  Law and Order, Criminal Minds, Bones, Without a Trace etc. I know all the tricks that work and the ones that always backfire. 

     Kipper:  Well I was a cop for 7 years and I know that isn't how it works in real life. They are TV dramas. 

     Me:  Whatever.  

     Kipper:  Okay so if you were going to murder someone and you think you can get away with it, how would you do it? 

At this point we begin to run down my theoretical ideas and Kipper proceeds to point out wholes in my plan and what would work better. Then we pause for to get our dinner from the delivery guy...hoping he didn't hear anything before we answered the door, cause that would be awkward! Then back to the conversation.

    Me:  Okay so maybe I couldn't do it alone. But with your cop knowledge and my TV research we totally could do it together if we ever had to. 

     Kipper:  And why would we ever need to commit murder? 

     Me:  Good point, but just in case we have a pretty good start to a hypothetical plan.  

     Kipper:  Right...never mind the fact we both would have terrible guilt and would more than likely never go through with it and if by some chance we did we would end up turning ourselves in within 24/48 hours.  

     Me:  True. 

     Kipper:  And to make it worse it is breaking one of the commandments. God doesn't really like when you do those things.... 

     Me:  Another very good point. 

     Kipper:  And let's not forget you can't handle the sight of blood very well. 

     Me: Yea, we can pretty much never commit murder. Forgot I said anything. 

     Kipper:  That is what I thought. 

So everyone should feel safer knowing that the Martin's will never be committing murder. (unless you count all the plants I have killed since getting married...if you those count I am in real trouble!)  

And to make myself feel better about the fact that we had this crazy conversation I am blaming it on my love of cop dramas, scary movies and....

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